Warning: Some People Don’t Want You to Grow
Shining too bright, eh?
Not everyone likes when you grow.
When you quake, it shakes their ground, too. Especially the people closest to your fault line.
Understand this: You are an evolving creature, radiating brighter than ever before, making empowered choices. You are changing. And some people hate that. They don’t even know that they hate that, they might never admit that they hate that, but when you change, and they do not, it’s a reminder. You become a mirror of what they are not. And most people don’t like reminders of what they are not.
Quite often, the ways you are changing also have direct implications for them, and the dynamic of your relationship.
They might have to pick up the slack in the relationship, or around the house. They may need to make more effort. They might have to change their minds and let go of preconceived notions or outdated beliefs about who you are. They might have to grow, too, to keep up with you, and this doesn’t always go over well.
Unfortunately, it’s a rare and preciously self-aware person that can say “The growth and change you are experiencing is making me uncomfortable and I feel scared. So in order to not act out in a way that is hurtful to you, I’m telling you what’s going on.” Nah, hardly happens like that.
Instead, there’s the acting out.
The resistance, the arguments, the distancing, the gossip, the jabs.
There might be snide or snarky comments or complete verbal punches in the gut, that take the wind right out of you. There might be knockdown-dragout arguments. It might even feel like the world itself is crumbling.
There might be a complete and radical breakdown of the relationship, where a choice has to be made, and it may be the most difficult, painful choice you have ever made.
No one ever said evolution would be easy.
But there’s no turning back. You can’t ungrow. You can try, in all sorts of unsavory, self-sabotaging ways, but even THAT is growth, believe it or not. No, you’re here.
You are evolving, you are growing in delightful, beautiful ways, and to some people, that’s just scary.
They have ideas and beliefs about you, after all. And when you shake up someone’s ideas and beliefs, it makes them feel wrong, and feeling wrong is one of our least favorite feelings, so we will do what we need to do to stay right. Feels safer, after all. We’ve all done it. It just sucks when it happens to you. At you.
But what if it was happening FOR you?
Guess what? It is.
The distillation process gets hot. And then, there is purification.
Go ahead, grow.
Let those old skins peel and fall from you.
Become the next evolutionary version of you, without apology, without shame, without regret. Trust your path. Claim your power. Own your shine. And know that there is a place, a world, a reality, where your shining brightly does not diminish the light of others, where you are invited and encouraged to be your most amazing, fabulous, beautiful, radiant self, with others being their most amazing, fabulous, beautiful, radiant selves.
I know this because it’s the reality I live in. It’s my address, and I won’t settle for living elsewhere.
When you shake things up, things get shaky. Hold on to something stable, ground your feet, and keep growing.
You’ll be okay. In fact, you’ll be more than okay. I promise.
Original post date 10.1.13.