goals

You Can Be Satisfied AND Want More

"She was a bad egg." Click image for Veruca's video!
“She was a bad egg.” Click image for Veruca’s video!

Every time I think of “wanting it all”, I think of the petulant, spoiled-to-the-core brat of Willie Wonka fame, Veruca Salt. She’s an extreme example of wanting. Spoiled, recklessly self-absorbed, and we all know what happens to her. She faces her unfortunate demise when she falls down the hatch, trying to get her golden egg. “Bad Egg” the meter declares.

And we all chuckle, knowing she got what she deserved, the little brat, the subtle message planted: don’t want too much.

It’s unfortunate really, that we’ve equated desire with being spoiled, wanting more with ungratefulness, that somehow it’s more virtuous to not want, to just be satisfied with what you have, to be content.

So when the desires do stir within us, for more, for bigger, for better,  there is an emotional dissonance that occurs within us, a tear of sorts, a conflict. The apparent contradiction between what we’re “supposed to be”– grateful, content, happy with what we have,  and what we actually are, wanting, desirous creatures with longings and yearnings.

The notion of either/or is complete hogwash and I challenge you to ditch it!

I was talking to a sweet friend the other night, who can’t quite put her finger on it, but she’s restless, less satisfied with her work. “Uninspired” was what she called it.  “But…” she began to backtrack. She feels like she “should” just be happy, grateful. She’s got a fulfilling, successful career, cool apartment, great boyfriend, wonderful friends. Shouldn’t that be enough?

And yet, here she is, finding herself wanting more, and the shadowy underbelly of that desire is guilt and judgement, as if wanting more is some declaration to the bountiful Universe that we are greedy, arrogant and impossible to satisfy.

My friend dreams of traveling, of experiencing more of the world, having wild adventures in foreign places, doing what she loves while traipsing the planet, and when she allows herself to want more, her eyes dance, her face lights up, her smile spreads across her face, and it’s beautiful to behold. A desirous woman is frightening to some, titillating to me.

Of course, there is also that part of us that knows that if we want more, bigger, better, we will have to BE more, bigger, better, and, oh that’s a whole other blog, this idea of staying small so that we don’t have to live up to the grandness of our desires and dreams… You know what I’m talking about, right?

But the message I want to share with you today is that you CAN be both grateful and content AND wanting of more.  You are a co-creating your life, with a boundless Universe that is thrilled by your desires and dreams.  Your longings do not diminish your gratitude for what you have. Desire does not cancel out gratitude.

So go on, want it all. You will not fall down the chute. You are not a bad egg. Your dreams and desires have power and magic in them, and you can trust them. But ohh…  you might have to act on them, too. That’s the way it goes…

Feel grateful, yes. Appreciate what you have, yes. But don’t stop there.

Dream on, feel your longings, bask in your desire, let yourself want.

More, Please.

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Show me a hundred people and I bet I can show you 95 of them or so who will say 2016 has been a rough one. It came with its blessings and gifts, of course, but it also brought a seemingly higher proportion of loss, tragedy, difficulties, and pain than your average year. At times, it’s been brutal. And it’s ending.

I am ready to kiss this year good-bye.

I am ready to make some new commitments and strengthen the ones I have in place.

I am ready to be more, have more and feel more of what I want to feel.

I’ve decided. I want this brand new, shining year ahead to be My Year of More.

What about you?

There is much to kiss goodbye to as we wrap up this year.

And so much to experience more of.

I’m done with New Year’s Resolutions that feel forceful, like what I should be wanting or doing. Research shows us, they don’t work.

I’m done with New Year’s Resolutions that come from anywhere outside of me.

I’m actually done with the term “New Year’s Resolutions” altogether. I’m tapping into something different this year. My own, innate, personalized More-Core.

You have one, too. Deep within you, there lives a blueprint of what you truly desire, a solid and totally-unique, totally-YOURS, set of desires that point you in the direction of More.

You don’t have to search for it. It’s already there. You just have to turn to it.

Here’s how to access your More-Core. Grab a pen and paper. Answer these questions:

  1. What feelings do I want to feel more of?
  2. What experiences would support me in cultivating more of these feelings?
  3. What activities, choices, practices or people would support me in cultivating more of these feelings?
  4. What would I need less of, in order to create space for more?

And then, it begins. Once you get clear about what you want, you can’t unknow it.

Here are two misconceptions about wanting more that I come across often…

  • If I want more, it means I am dissatisfied with what I have, and what I have is enough.
  • It’s greedy, ungrateful or selfish to want more. I should concentrate on being content, instead.

It is possible to be grateful and content while wanting more. In fact, it’s imperative to our well-being to acknowledge and tend to our desires. Desire is fuel. Desire is guidance for your journey. Desire is data. And wanting more does not diminish gratitude! It’s quite possible (and a yummy place to live!) to be in both desire and gratitude. One does not cancel out the other. In fact, it’s our denying our desires that gets us into trouble.

You can love your life and want more. (I blogged about this very thing last year.)

Go on, want MORE. I dare you.

Find a buddy, a coach, a group, for accountability, for support, for love as you manifest MORE this year.

You do not have to be anything you aren’t. This isn’t about becoming someone else.

Let 2017 be the year you become MORE of who you are, the year you grace the world with MORE of what you are here to express, and experience MORE of what it is you want.

What do you say?

Ready for more? I know I am.

 

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Continue scrolling only if you want MORE…
Here’s a video invitation!

I’ve created three offerings to help you amplify your year of More…

Complimentary More Strategy Session

Your Year of More Day Retreat – January 14th, Dallas area.

Private 90-Day More Coaching Program

Your Fear is a Master of Disguise

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Remember in every episode of Scooby Doo, at the end, the kids would catch the scary ghost that had been haunting them, only to pull off his mask and discover it was just some guy, pretending to be a scary ghost?

In my countless sessions with clients, conversations with friends, private whining dates with my own journal and years of being in circles of truth-telling women, I’ve noticed something interesting.

All too often, fear holds us back from what it is we want to be, do or create. It is fear that holds us back from letting go, from moving forward, fear holds us back from taking chances and plunges and leaps. Fear gets in the way of our dreams and desires. Fear keep us stuck and small and stagnant and the same.

Yet, in most of those cases, our fear knows that if it came  right out and said, “hey you know what, I’m afraid, and here’s why…” you very likely would see it for what it was and blow right past it. And fear’s motivation is only trying to do its job, after all. Fear wants to protect you, guard you, keep you safe, keep you stuck, keep things the same.

Fear has picked up some tricks on its journey. It’s clever. It’s strategic. It has to be. So in order to get you to pay attention, in order to get you to stay “safe,” here’s what fear does: it disguises itself as other things.

Do you have a desire or dream or change you haven’t been able to create movement with, for one reason or another?

See if you recognize any of these disguises fear uses, when it comes to your dream…

  • Disguise #1: Preparation – Classes, courses, certifications, research, prep work, organizing, re-organizing, re-re-organizing. You know what I’m talking about. The problem with these is that just when you achieve one level, you quickly convince yourself that there is something else you need to know or achieve or accomplish to do the dream. I once worked with a client who was stuck in a standstill with her new business launch until she got a new set of office shelves. Shelves. Her dream was on a shelf because of shelves.
  • Disguise #2: Procrastination – Once I finish this Netflix binge, I’ll work on that business plan. I would do that tonight but I am beat. I’ll get to that thing tomorrow. Or the next day, but soon! Procrastination has a nice payoff too. It’s a lot easier to put things off then to do them. And by easier, I also mean “safer”.
  • Disguise #3: Limitations – A wise friend once said to me “argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” it was a punch in the gut at the time, because I was literally arguing for my limitations when she said it. That’s the thing about limitations. If you want ’em, you got ’em. They certainly love being coddled. In fact, they absolutely BLOSSOM with attention. I hear them all the time. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too fat. I’m too broke. I’m too busy. I’m too this, I’m too that. Our perceived limitations quite quickly become TRUTH. If we choose for them to be. Or… we can be wild and crazy and blow right through them. I’ve seen that a few times too. I’ve even been lucky enough to have done it.
  • Disguise #4: Blame or finger-pointing – This clever disguise of fear likes to convince you that it’s somebody else’s fault that you are not doing what it is you came to do. That if it weren’t for that crappy husband, boss, mom, dad, you’d be doing your dream. If it weren’t for THEM, you know… THEM,  you’d be different. You’d change. You really would.
  • Disguise #5: Busyness – We all juggle a lot. I get it. But here’s the thing. The obligations, commitments and time bandits in your life because you allowed them in. You chose them. You actually did. You have two choices here. You can continue to use busyness as a convenient hiding place for fear. Or you can make some space. Commit to your desires. Squeeze in five minutes a day. Do whatever you can. So often we think that soon, just around the corner, life is about to get way less busy. Guess what? It does not. We make the time for what’s most important. If you don’t like the way you spend your time, if the way you spend your time is interfering with a dream, make some cuts. Delete. Re-org. And if you still can’t find the time, chances are, it’s fear making sure you stay nice and busy because it’s safer, and you get to stay the same. Remember, fear loves that.

In which of those five do you identify your fear in disguise? It’s time to shine the light at them. Reveal them.

Think back to when you were a kid. Sometimes simply shining the flashlight on the scary monster in the dark room proves that it’s just a sweater on a chair.

Shine the flashlight on your fear. And then maybe, you can choose differently. One choice at a time.

But first we must call it them out. Nothing changes til we call them out.  Maybe a journal entry like this…

“I see you, Fear! Disguising yourself as _____ and ____. How clever and wily of you. Sadly though, I’m on to you. I’m hip to what you’re throwing, I’m no longer fooled by your conniving ways. I get it. You want us to stay safe. You want me to stay the same. I understand. But here’s the thing. I can’t. So just to give you a heads up, I’m going to be _______ and ______ in the coming days. Starting now, I’m also going to be ________.

I’ve got dreams. Desires. Plans. Big things to do. You no longer get to be in charge.

Your services are no longer needed.”

Are you ready to do that? There is no time to lose. The time is now. The world needs your gifts, your message, your smile, your creations, your song, your dance, your ministry, your magic, your mischief, your heart, wide open, spilling forth.

And Fear is just going to have to deal with that.

When We Wander from What We Want

18-People-Who-Have-Failed-At-2015-Already-new-years-resolutionsIt’s inevitable for most of us.

We start the new year off with the best intentions. Connected to our dreams, clear on our desires, fired up with hope, we come out of the pen ready to do this.

We chug along for a week or so, momentum building.

Week two, yeah we’re good, making progress.

Week three, week four… well, things come up. We get distracted, we get tired, we get bored, we get sidetracked.

By the time February rolls around, we have ditched the resolutions. US News reports that by February, 80% of resolutions have failed. EIGHTY PERCENT. The good news is it’s not just you! The other good news is it doesn’t have to be you anymore!

It is totally normal to wander from what we want. Life has a way of distracting us. We have a way of getting in our own way. We blow it. We shift and change and sometimes even forget what it is we truly want from our lives.

Then, to make matters even worse, we feel bad about ourselves for “failing.” We blame our lack of will-power or commitment. We feel ashamed that this year was no different than the year before, or the year before.

And then we default to “game over.”  We throw in the towel.

Can this year be different?

Here’s what I think.

I think we give up too soon. Getting sidetracked is pretty much inevitable.

Here are five important tips to keep in mind, so that this year will be different.

  1. Start with a passion-based plan. Make sure that the goal is REALLY YOURS, not just what you think you should want. Then take that desire and break it down into steps, doable, realistic, action-oriented steps. Plan them. Schedule them. Plot them. You rebels might hate reading this, but it’s the difference between roaming around until you find your destination and GPSing it.
  2. Connect to your WHYs. Again and again. On a day you’re feeling strong, committed and capable, create a list of all the reasons, large and small you are working toward this goal. Review it,daily. Connect to each reason. Feel it. Breathe it. Focus on the pleasures that await you on the other side of the goal, and all the beautiful, sexy, fantastic reasons for even bothering in the first place. And if there is no pleasure waiting on the other side, take it off your list of goals and desires.
  3. Don’t go it alone. Accountability works. Whether you hire a coach, join a mastermind group, or buddy up with a trusted friend, enlist someone to hold you accountable. Someone besides yourself. It’s way too easy to cheat, justify, and disappoint ourselves when no one else is looking.
  4. Be kind to yourself. Praise yourself. Reward yourself. Write love notes to yourself in your journal “I am so proud of you. You’re doing great.” Sustainable change rarely comes from a place of self-loathing and cruelty. Try a gentler, more compassionate approach.
  5. Anticipate the wandering. You are a human being, not a machine. The secret is to get back on track, as soon as possible. Just because you “blew it” doesn’t mean it has to stay blown. And when we anticipate something, it won’t throw us completely off balance when it happens. It won’t knock us down. And if it does, we get back up, dust of our sexy selves, forgive ourselves and pick up where we left off.

You can do this. I can do this. Let’s be the 20%. We got this.

 

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Let’s build momentum! For added support, planning and mapping, plotting and scheming, join me Saturday 1/16 in Richardson, Texas for my 2016 Planning Party. Getting your sh*t together was never this much fun! Find out more here.

Excuses and Blame, We Love ‘Em! I’ll Tell You Why…

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“I’d be happier at work if I didn’t work with such idiots…”

“My parents mistreated me as a kid, so that’s why I can’t get close to anyone…”

“I can’t find love because I first need to lose 50 pounds…”

“I don’t have the time/money/energy to nurture that dream…”

“My husband cheated on me so I am unable to trust men…”

“I’d leave this job, but there are just no jobs available in my field…”

And the list goes on and on… those lovely excuses, we sure rely on them. The blame game, our litany of readily-accessible excuses as to why our lives are not operating to our liking.

I have plenty of experience hiding behind excuses. One particular experience remains a defining moment for me. Maybe around 15 years ago, sitting in a Starbucks with two trusted girlfriends, we took turns speaking about dreams and desires, in that free-flowing-girl-chat kind of way. I whined and complained, quite eagerly justifying my lack of risk-taking with a well-rounded and very boring pack of well-worn excuses.

“Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” One wise friend interrupted.

“You sure say ‘I can’t’ an awful lot…” the other friend chimed in, as a bang-pop follow-up. Both of them, coming at me, at the same time. Oooph. Felt like a punch to the stomach. Two punches, actually.

Tears immediately began to flow from my eyes. Why were they gaining up on me? Weren’t they supposed to be on my side? Weren’t they supposedly my friends? Yes, they were. And real friends, not just in it for the mutual ass-kissing, will call you out on your b.s., and they expect you to do the same for them.

We are often so committed to our excuses, our justifications for the why’s or why-not’s of our unfulfilled potential, dreams, longings that we will fight to the death to protect them.

I decided that moment, and have decided again a few other moments since, not to let excuses, limitations or blame block me from my happiness. It’s something I continue to confront, because well, besides the being human thing, it’s so much easier to have an excuse.

Isn’t it?

Blame and excuses are beautifully designed so that we can shrug our shoulders haughtily and proclaim “Not my fault!”

Blame and excuses are brilliant and convenient because behind their safety, no action is required. No commitment necessary. 

And with no action comes no risk. With no action comes no potential for failure. With no action comes no potential for success. Success its own very special set of risks, too.

We so love excuses and blame because as long as we have them to point to…

“Look! This is why! This is why I can’t/don’t/won’t… This is why I still… This here. This thing. NOT ME.”

… we don’t have to do a damned thing.

We’ve been talking for several weeks now about the insidious deadly blocks that get in the way of our full power, radiance, magic and merriment. Blame and excuses are notorious.  And while the others we’ve talked about… old stories, judging, comparing, negative self-talk are more blatant, blame and excuses are sneakier because they disguise themselves as REAL TRUTH. Our egos’ clever and deceptive technique for staying the same. For not taking risks. For not taking action. For not letting go. For not taking flight.

Excuses keep us safe.

What I mean is “safe.” I’d be doing the air-quotes if we were face-to-face.

So let’s do an experiment. I want you to think about your life and one thing, one desire or longing or dream you have, until now, not been able to achieve or create. Write it down at the top of a piece of paper. Now list the excuses and reasons you have not achieved or created this goal or desire.

Let ‘em loose. Let ‘em go hog wild on that piece of paper.

Then, when you’ve exhausted them and they have nothing else to say, pick up that piece of paper, wave it around and let its flimsiness be a symbol. Hold it up to your eyes. Notice, you cannot see through the paper, it blocks your vision, but if you want, you can tear it up, you can flush it down the toilet, you can set it on fire, you can bury it in the yard. This flimsy piece of paper has about as much power as your excuses.

YOU have all the power.

I joke with clients, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is it’s all up to you. The bad news is it’s all up to you.”

When we take responsibility and own the fact that it really is all up to us, there is no one or nothing left to blame. Gasp.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and a more probing question than to ask yourself for your list of convenient excuses is to ask yourself what you are avoiding by keeping your blame and excuses handy? What are you conserving? What’s your pay-off? There is always a pay-off, or we wouldn’t keep doing things the way we’re doing them. Dr. Phil taught me that. Can’t you just hear his Texas-twang… “There’s gotta be a pay-off; why else would you stay stuck?”

When you realize that it’s not that you can’t, because of A, B or C. But because you won’t, your power is taken back. It’s all yours. So then comes the biggest question of all…

What will you do with your power?

Stuck Between Choices? Follow that Strange Pull…

IMG_4764As spring continues to unfold, its fresh energy reinvigorates my life, clearing away the grey clouds of winter’s dry, brittle cold and lighting me up with a new enthusiasm and passion for living, connecting, creating, manifesting and doing my work in the world.

There are so many experiences to be had, so many joys, dreams, walks, celebrations, classes and concerts to occupy both my brain and calendar space.  So many choices. So many it can be challenging to decide what exactly deserves my attention and affection.

Here’s one of the most helpful tools for doing so that I now share all the time with friends and clients alike, with the zeal of a snake-handling evangelist. I believe in it that much.

It starts with simply recognizing the difference between “pull energy” and “push energy” and noticing which of the two are guiding your decisions and activities.

How do you tell the difference?

Push Energy fuels those things that we need to do, more obligatory in nature, or accomplishment driven. Results oriented…

For example, for me, doing my accounting books each month is fueled by push energy. Making the doctor’s appointment. Paying taxes. That shit just needs to get done. Pull energy is powerful and helpful and productive. In fact, without Push Energy, I’d probably do a lot more lazing, loitering, lounging and running out of clean underwear.

Pull Energy, on the other hand, feels like an actual tugging of the heart, and can sometimes even be physically felt, in the stomach or chest area. It feels like desire, like… well, duh… a pull.

That Pull Energy pulls you toward something that inspires you, heals you or lights you up. Often defying logic and reason, pull energy just knows, even though it may seem ridiculous or off the wall, it’s never wrong, for it always leads you to evolution. Whether it’s a new job, new wisdom, the next chapter, a refreshing respite, a new friend. Who knows! That’s the adventure and mystery of Pull Energy.

Trust it. Go on. It’s completely trustworthy.

Pull Energy is powerful, wise, and often seems a little nuts. A client of mine put it perfectly this week when she described her decision to jump on a plane for a three day jaunt to a Mexican beach: “It made no sense whatsoever, but it’s what I needed to do.”

Pull Energy tends to be wilder, more passion-driven than Push Energy, so many of us hedonists are easily drawn to its fire.  For that same reason, it’s often easier to ignore, the consequences of doing so are far less obvious than those of ignoring Push Energy. Get what I’m saying? There are direct consequences if I skip doing my taxes. If my client skipped the jaunt to Mexico, the consequences are more subtle, subversive, and soul-sucking.

For when we ignore the pull of Pull Energy, there is some level of soulfire dimishment that happens. The Pull Energy may go ignored for so long that sadly, it becomes nothing more than a whimper or a wheeze. A feeble whine.

That’s the tragedy of a life full of unspoken promises, unfulfilled desires, unexperienced dreams. It’s a dreary and dark way to live. Or I should say, to die a slow death.

I challenge you to tune in to your Pull Energy as we shift into spring. With the change of seasons comes a new charge, new enthusiasm and also new desires. Pay attention. Trust the Pull.

Let’s play a little game. Close your eyes. Not yet… you need to read the next part of the little game.

With eyes closed, turn your inner eye toward your heart area. Feel the warmth and wisdom in that chest space. Move around in it. Experience being in your heart area.

Now move your inner eye into your gut area. Sense the Pull Energy in that area. Feel it. breath into it. Move around in it. Feel the expansion of the pull with each breath.

And now ask it “What do you want?”

Listen for the answer. It might be something as simple as fresh berries and cream, or a nap. It might be something as serious and surmounting as a divorce or returning to college. You’ll know it when you hit it, you’ll feel it in your body.

Then do something to move in the direction of that desire. It may be what SARK has coined as a “micromovement”… a tiny step to build momentum toward a dream. A phone call. A Google Search. A conversation.

Or it might be an earth-shattering, monumental, great sweeping motion, like getting out of that relationship, once and for all. Or finally making that apology that’s been eating at you forever. Investing in that coaching program. Buying that bicycle. Booking that trip.

I gotta be honest with you. Yes, Push Energy is great for getting stuff done. But that Pull Energy… mmmm… that is the stuff that dreams are made of, that’s where the yummy comes from; that’s where magic is born… that’s the stuff that turns me on.

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” – Rumi

I want to know: What is pulling at you? What does your Pull Energy want?

Share your Pull Energy responses below! Do you dare even speak it aloud?

Join me for more push and pull energy explorations and soul-clarifying activities in my brand new Spring Cleaning for the Soul program that starts next week!

I’m SERIOUS about getting serious! But not TOO serious…

funny-picture-baby-take-seriouslyHalfway through January, I must say, I’m pretty satisfied with my progress and commitment to my intentions and goals. I understand fully that intentions are reliant on actions for their success. “Align your actions with your intentions” one of my current favorite teachers, Leonie Dawson says. And I’m doing so!

Here are a few things that make this New Year’s efforts feel different…

  1. 1. I’m planning ahead… finally. For someone who has always “winged it” through the year, this has been perhaps the greatest change so far this year. Yeah, I love spontaneity and going where the wind takes me, but that wind was spinning me in a funnel of reactionary circles, and I wasn’t progressing very far. Thanks to an AWESOME, inspiring and beautiful planning and dreaming tool, 2014: Create Your Amazing Year, Biz Edition by Leonie Dawson, I have taken more conscious and deliberate steps to designing my year, my goals, and what it will take me to reach them. Confession: I have never before done this for my business. It feels amazing, and I can already see how my business is responding to me.  So exciting!
  2. I’m committed to money-mindfulness. And mindfulness, in its simplest definition means paying attention. One of the simple ways I do this is look at my accounts online every day, even just to say hi. Money loves attention and affection. When I ignore it, it seems to disappear…
  3. Don’t worry! I’m not ditching my commitment to fun. Fun is a priority for me. Without it, I wither and fade. However, there comes a time in our lives where we need to temper and tweak a little, so that we can get shit done. A wise therapist once told me “don’t kick your thirteen year old self out of the car. Just stop letting her drive it.”
  4. I’m making choices based on who I want to be, instead of who I’ve always been. I have a clear picture of Future Lisa and I make choices pretending I am already her. And guess what happens with enough of those choices? I become her. I remind myself that Future me is not outside of me, somewhere out of reach. She is within me, she’s already there. I am bringing her forward, one choice at a time.
  5. I am focused on my core desired feelings. When I focus on those feelings, I make choices aligned with those feelings. This stuff really works! My core desired feelings are: Freedom, generous, wealthy, vibrant, magnetic.  And as I think about it now, all of my core desired feelings are perfectly aligned with this list of actions and practices. Funny how that works…
  6. If I “mess up”, as in make a choice not aligned with my intentions, I don’t let it permanently sidetrack me. I get up, I begin again. I forgive myself. I try to extend compassion and kindess to myself, ie., “Maybe you really needed that hamburger, Lisa. It’s okay, just get back on track now. There you go…” I think of it as stumbling forward. Sure it may happen, but once I regain my footing, I’m still facing forward.

So how YOU doin’? (That was my Chicago, coming out.)

Do your actions feel aligned with your intentions?

Are you allowing yourself time and space to play, in addition to getting serious?

Do you have a plan?

Are you clear about your core desired feelings?

Are you gentle and kind to yourself when you “stumble forward”?

What are some of the tools and tricks you are using to make this the MUTHA OF ALL FANTASTIC YEARS EVER? Do share!

The life you desire is yours for the taking and making. Are you ready to take and make it? Let’s do this!

 

The Year of Getting Serious… Seriously?

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“I take pleasure in my transformations.”
– Anais Nin

Just like that, the new year is under way. Here we are, 2014! Are you someone who is energized by the start of a new year? I am.

Each year, I designate a phrase for the new year, that which will be my theme, my intention, my focus. Years ago, I gave up resolutions, as I found them to feel restrictive and uninspired, too bossy and boring. I needed kindness, a soft approach, one that felt like self-love rather than self-flogging. I need my intentions to feel good.

Which is why when the phrase “Get serious” popped into my head as the possible theme for my year, I pushed it away, deeming it too boring, too demanding, and well… too serious.

It’s time to get serious. The voice would not leave me. It is time to get serious about a lot of things. It’s time to get serious about my health, my money, my business. There’s your theme: Get serious. Meh. Seriously? Get serious? How dull. I wanted something more fun like “play more” or “savor” or “relax”… something that was going to continue to allow me freedom and pleasure, both such important values in my life.

But alas, as “get serious” would not leave, I searched myself to locate the origin of this notion. Was it coming from not-enoughness? From self-judgment or cruelty? The funny thing was, it wasn’t. It was coming from a different place- the future me, Magnificent Me, the higher version of myself that is ready for better. Not from a controlling, restricting, boring me who is trying to suck the fun out of everything. Get serious is coming from the best parts of me, from the part of me that is ready, really ready, to maximize my life, my assets, my wellness, so that I CAN play more, savor more, relax more.

Here’s what I understand now: Getting serious doesn’t have to be the opposite of pleasure or freedom.

Getting serious is not the antithesis of joy. I’m beginning to think it is a path to greater joy, and that there is joy to be found in taking care of business. I’m ready for greater joy.

I’m ready to get serious.

I deserve better than what I’ve been giving myself. I’m ready for better.

Self-love and self-care are not diminished by my getting serious. Only enhanced. The better I take care of my life, my body, my resources and what is most important to me… the more trust I create between me and myself. The more I trust myself, the more pleasure and joy I am able to experience!

I really can have it all. And I’m ready for it.

What are you ready to get serious about? Are you ready to have it all?

In next week’s blog, I’ll share some tips and tools for getting serious, while still experiencing  joy and pleasure!

Important Choices, Important Changes

letting_go__by_kreneed13-d36g5ny“It’s time to grow. Your soul gets bored- been there, done that, wants to express a new frequency. Evolution is part of the divine equation. That means letting go of your identity again and again.”

– Tama Kieves

Funny I should read this line (in an incredibly powerful book called Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work, by Tama Kieves) just minutes before I was going to write this blog, and share some important decisions.

While I wasn’t able to take the month of August off like I had planned, due to unexpected expenses I did not plan, I was still able to do some soul searching, business evaluating, day dreaming, big picture planning, and down and dirty analysis.

I’ve come to the following conclusions:

  • I need to focus more of my energies on growing the most successful, thriving parts of my business.
  • That would be The Burlesque Experience, my coaching practice and my sacred ceremonies practice.
  • There are new things I am ready to bring into fruition, like SacredSexyRadio , The Truth or Dare Club, both coming in October, and my next book.
  •  There is no humanly possible way I can do so, unless I make some difficult choices.

I love my work, I love the colorful facets of my work, I love the variety and complexity and range of things I work on daily. I also know that there are parts of my work that feel like YES and others that feel like… MEH. Or HUH? Or OH WELL…

I learned years ago that the original etymological  meaning of the word DECIDE means “to cut off, sever,” even “to kill.” Think about it. CIDE- matricide, suicide, genocide, homicide. Anytime you decide something, to choose one thing over another, that other has to die. While we like to think of ourselves as kind creatives, truth of the matter is, even nature itself in all of her marvelous creativity must also be destructive.

I’ve decided, for now, to let go of SacredSexyBiz networking events as well as the monthly WomenCircle to free up some space and time, as well as energy.

Our last SacredSexyBiz event will be Thursday 9/26. This will be a celebration, to celebrate two and a half years of great connections. Please join us for this special lunch at Crossroads Diner in Dallas!

Which leads me to an exciting announcement.

The Burlesque Experience is growing. Watch out for our first “satellite program” in Fort Worth or Arlington in January 2014. I’m excited to also announce I have brought onto the SacredSexyU/The Burlesque Experience team, Samantha Conforti, aka Candy Von Jameson as Development Manager of the Burlesque Experience.

We’re looking for help. Introductions, contacts, interest, studios, theatres, and the like, that can help get the new Ft. Worth/Arlington program off the ground. Please let me know if you have ideas, referrals or information that would be helpful in making this next big phase of this revolutionary program that is changing the world, one striptease at a time. OR if you live in that area and want to be one of the first to register!

I’m also super excited about the development of my new program, The Truth or Dare Club that starts 10/10. Think of it as the Burlesque Experience without the burlesque- an adventurous and exciting 6-week program that will rock your socks and ignite your life. It’s also my first program for women AND men, and I can’t wait to see where it will go!

My life is so full, so overflowing with wonderful people, exciting ideas, brilliant connections and amazing miracles. I can’t wait to see where the next chapter takes us!

Also from Tama Kieves…

Abundance requires surrender, letting go of control somewhere or somehow and running with your heart wide open into the loving arms of the unknown.”

In keeping with this “deciding” theme, I invite you to do some examination of your own life- your energies, your connections, your projects, your plans. Is it time to let something go?

What or how are you ready to surrender?

Trust in the new direction you are feeling pulled.

Join me in creating space for the new that our hearts are ready for.

 

 

 

 

 

Re-routing: Your life, back on track

Our inner GPS system sure is something else, a genius technological feature… one that’s always been there. Just like our modern, fancy-pantsy, phone-guided systems, or our TomToms or Magellans, we have all the guidance we need within us to find our direction, to keep us on track.

Even when we get off track, we can always get back on. Our GPS system doesn’t lose our way, just because we do. “Re-routing…” she says. And she gets us there.

And you know what our car GPS systems never do when we make a bad turn? They never say…

– There you go, screwing things up again…
– Oh! GREAT job, dumb-ass…
– Figures you’d blow it, again…

What the inner GPS system is good at doing is sending us cryptic, subtle clues when it’s time to re-route.  Some include…

– isolating ourselves from others
– jealousy, irritibility, bitchiness
– accidents and mishaps
– back, head, stomach aches
– overspending, overeating, overdrinking, overanything-ing
– chaos in your home, life, car, purse…

Can you recognize when you are out of harmony, or heading in the wrong direction? Be a detective in your life and consider the signals your GPS system gives you when you’ve gotten off route.

There is a model for change that is used everywhere by coaches, therapists and other professionals that I find interesting. What I especially find fascinating about it is that  it includes relapse as part of the change cycle.

If you are beating yourself up for changes that haven’t “stuck” or new year’s resolutions that have already fallen by the wayside, if you have slipped, but you haven’t yet regained your footing, if you are being hard on yourself for not having perfected yourself yet, please, ease up.

Think of how your car or phone GPS system works… she gently says “re-routing” and then gets you headed back in the right direction, as quickly, safely and easily as possible. She doesn’t say “Stop trying.” She doesn’t say “Give up.” She doesn’t say “Turn back.” She doesn’t even make you feel stupid or shake her head and told you “I told you so.”

She simply and gently says “re-routing.”

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Ask yourself:

What are my own internal GPS system’s signals that I am out of harmony?

Are any of those signs happening now?

What one action can I take today/this week/this month to help bring me back, to re-route and re-orient myself, and get my life back on track, and in alignment with my desired destination?