pleasure

Are you a “Ho-ho-ho”, a “Ho-hum”, or a “Bah-Humbug”?

humbug__by_xhee_heex-d6wa0dgThere are three types of us, it seems, when the holiday season rolls around… which are you?
The Ho Ho Ho – Overflowing with holiday cheer, the Ho Ho Ho loves to decorate, shop, wrap, and really revels in the joys and sensory pleasures of the holiday spirit. Finding rich meaning in the season, their love for family, giving, togetherness, peace and joy are amplified.
The Ho-Hum – Neither a lover nor a hater, the Ho-Hum is mildly annoyed by the pressures and obligations wrapped with a bow during the holiday season. They will go through the motions, and even enjoy certain parts of the season, like holiday cocktail parties and Secret Santa games, but for the most part, they could take it or leave it, and often harbor a secret guilt that they “should” be doing more, feeling more, giving more, baking more, and being jollier in general.
The Humbug –  The Humbug can’t stand the holiday season, the contrived peace and love, the forced togetherness, the pressure to spend, the commercialization, the obligation to be with people they secretly hardly like, and oftentimes have painful associations with the holidays, so in the midst of all the contrived joy, they are harboring deep pain, loss, grief, loneliness. The holidays are something they must get through, resisting and even resenting the whole shebang.
I’m definitely a borderline Ho-Hum/Humbug. Over the years, I’ve done a lot of personal inquiry around this, to explore the reasons. I’ve identified a few, and better understand my resistance. I’ve given up trying to change myself into a Ho-Ho-Ho, in preference of allowing myself to be who I am. I’ve also done some shifting and healing organically, by practicing openness, presence and intention.
There are certain holiday rituals I admit to enjoying… parties, of course. Ugly sweater ones and fancy red dress ones. And  I’m not gonna lie: I love opening presents. Here’s a holiday hypocrisy: I love getting Christmas cards in the mail. I hate the chore of sending them.
A few years back, I asked the Humbugs in my Facebook community what their reasons for being “humbug” were. I got dozens of interesting responses, but they all seemed to fall into one of two categories:
  • Pressure: The pressure from media, family, the world at large to “feel” jolly, to buy, to bake, to wrap, to send cards, to feign happiness in family situations that are less than healthy or happy. So much pressure to be, feel and do what is out of line with our personal truth.  When we feel, do or are what is out of line with our personal truth, we are out of integrity. NO WONDER Humbugs don’t like the holidays! NO WONDER Ho-Hums feel uneasy about them.
  • Pain: The saccharin-sweetness messages of peace, love and joy doesn’t fit with their personal experience when there is loss, grief, death, loneliness and other painful experiences and feelings linked to the holidays
So what should we do, those of us who find it difficult to be folded into the fluffy cream of the holiday season? Go through the motions, out of integrity, getting through til January? Ditch the whole thing, disappearing from society until it’s over? Tell our families we won’t be participating this year? (Oh, THAT’LL go over well…) Buy, when we don’t feel like buying? Smile, when we don’t feel like smiling?
Here’s what I suggest we all do, whether a Ho Ho Ho, a Ho-Hum or a Humbug…
  1. Feel your feelings as they arise. When you are feeling funky, say for example, shopping, stay in touch with yourself and your experience. When you’re feeling overjoyed with holiday spirit, notice it, bask in it. If the holidays are a time of pain for you, give yourself a designated, sacred time to feel your pain, to tend to your tender heart, to be a loving friend to yourself.
  2. Stop shoulding on yourself. Shaming yourself, feeling guilty for what you don’t feel or don’t want to do, adds an extra layer of crappiness onto the crappiness you’re already feeling. Ie, “everyone’s so happy at Thanksgiving. I should be happier than this.” We spend too much energy thinking we’re ‘supposed’ to be feeling something different than we are. Stop it!
  3. Practice presence in everything you do, holiday-related. If you “must” participate in a holiday activity that feels inauthentic to you, how can you become present to that activity? How can you open up to what might be there for you in your resistance? Can you start a holiday tradition that feels more authentic and meaningful to you, privately, or with others?
  4. Focus on the activities that bring you joy and give yourself permission to scrap the others. A few years ago, I decided not to do cards. I had to come to terms with the fact that this would mean I’d receive less cards, and I had to be okay with that. It was a fair trade-off.  On the other hand, I am one who is easily excited by pretty, sparkly things, so I love ooh-ing and ahh-ing at impressive holiday lights. I will keep doing that.
  5. Allow others to feel what they feel without the impulse to judge or change them.  No need to jump down mom’s throat about the commercialism of Christmas, if she’s really into giving gifts. Perhaps you can let go of the urge to teach the family what really went down, during colonization, while passing the the sweet potatoes. Let them have their experience, while you own yours. 
And Ho-Hums and Humbugs, take solace in the fact that it will all be over soon. But here’s the thing: when it’s over, we’ll be that much closer to the end of our ride, to the day of our death. So why not be as present as we can, no matter what we’re feeling, and savor as much as we can- out of every day, and the enjoy the extra sweetness that the holiday season offers? After all, there are more cookies!
Feel your experience, give yourself and others permission to be exactly where they are and savor every moment, as much as you can. It will all be over too soon, I’m afraid… all of it.  Now pass me a gingerbread cookie, please.

Reality Check

ac11b59841a3ae3e0c1cb460ccc05585“Vacation was wonderful, but now it’s back to reality.”

 “Lately, I just want to escape the real world and curl up with a book, in my jammies with my kitty.”

“I’m having a challenge returning to reality after the glitter and glamour of the Burlesque Experience…”

I’ve heard all three of these statements, in the last few days, in fact, from three different people. One of those people was me.

We all know this feeling, this reluctance or resistance to “return to reality”.

Life gives us those temporary shining, sparkling respites, that take us out of the mundane, out of the routines and duties and obligations, and give us transcendence, ecstasy, bliss, or just simply relaxation.

And then, ho hum, back to reality we go, sheepishly, begrudgingly.

Well, I’d like to turn that thought-process on its head, by offering a new perspective.

You aren’t escaping reality with your relaxing weekends, your transcendent experiences, your vacations and blissful days off.

You’re expanding it.

What if we stopped the polarizing thinking of “reality” as the chores, the mundane, the routine, and those transcendent, fully-engaged, joyful experiences as being outside of reality?

What if instead we chose to embrace it all as one great big, luscious, multi-faceted range of reality?

What would happen?

Something would shift.

And when it does, it’s really beautiful.

Vacation-Return-HomeI had this experience the other day myself, driving home with my fiancé, from our weekend getaway in the country, that feeling of “returning to reality” came over me, and with it, a sadness, a reluctance, and then a quiet voice whispered from my heart, “it’s all reality.” And then, suddenly, my reality expanded.

That, too… that glorious weekend experience of rest and relaxation, connecting with nature, with myself, painting, drawing, reading, doing or not doing whatever I chose, that was reality, too.

Of course it was! I didn’t imagine it.

How insulted and offended these rich, meaningful experience and moments must be, to be left out and excluded from what we consider reality! “Wow, thanks a lot! I gave you so much! Well, it was real for me! Pffft!”

Silly to think about, I know, but do you get what I’m saying here?

What if we chose to widen reality, to include more moments and experiences of ecstasy and bliss, even within the folds and creases of everyday life, rather than escape it?

What if we widened our reality so much that in these moments and experiences, we aren’t escaping anything, but enriching it?

Reality, after all, is what we decide for it to be.

Is your reality a relentless pushing, striving and doing, loaded with obligations and duties and responsibilities and roles to fulfill?

Can what you perceive to be reality include transcendence, connection, relaxation and retreat, instead of excluding it?

Visualize it on paper. On the left is the “real world”. On the right is all that other stuff, the activities and events and moments you lose yourself in, when and where and how you get charged and refueled and realigned. Yours might include vacationing or travel, creative endeavors, relaxing activities, connection, socializing, time off.

Next, take your imagination’s pen and draw a big circle around it all, and call it reality.

What shifts with this simple expansion?

And how can you enlarge and widen and deepen your current experience of reality, every day?

Gasp… dare I say, in every moment?

My reality is wide, and deep, and rich, and includes all of it. The duties and the getaways. The challenges and the ease. The doing and the being. The scheduled routines and the loose, lazy, unstructured respites.

We can’t vacation all the time. Well, most of us can’t. But how can we create the feelings and sensations of vacationing in our day to day lives? The truth of the matter is, it’s those feelings we’re after.

What if we made these respites and retreats and moments outside of the ordinary every day a priority, committing to them with the same fervor we commit to being responsible?

We are responsible for our reality, right?

Our longing for magic and the opportunities to satisfy this longing exist at every turn, in every one of life’s pockets.  Sometimes they’re obvious, a week on a beach, for example. Other times, they’re hidden, quietly present, tucked in, needing only for you to discover them, claim them, and make them a priority of your reality. A big reality, one that includes all of it.reality

A reality as expanded as this needs your conscious design. Your deliberate intention. With it, reality expands, just like that.

And when reality is this wide and expansive, there is no more need to escape it.

Of course, there is the mind-numbing paradox of possibility that none of this at all is reality, that it’s all a dream, but maybe that’s for another blog. For today, let’s just say, if it’s happening, it’s reality.

It’s all reality.

What will you make of yours today?

Have you forgotten? You are a wild one.

DSC_0237-Edit
“Wild Women of the Woods” by Nikki Simpson

 

“Underneath it all, we are wild and we know it.”

– Reggie Ray, Buddhist scholar

From the time you were a little child they’ve been trying to tame you.

They told you how to sit, they told you how to behave. They told you what nice girls do and don’t and when you acted wild, they told you that you should be ashamed of yourself.

So you were.

They told you to sit still.

They told you to quiet down.

They told you to play nice and stop being bossy. They told you to not get dirty. To not be naughty.

You learned that if you were gonna get by in this world, your wild animal self would need to be trained in the ways of the world. You acclimated. You adapted. You shut her away.

You’ve spent your life trying to be good. They love you more when you’re good. But when good becomes false, your true self grieves. When playing by the rules becomes sacrificing your heart’s desires, death is slow and secret. You’re smiling on the outside and dying on the inside.

I declare a Reclamation Proclamation on your wild and fiery spirit. I dare you to untame yourself. Just a little bit. Or a lot.

What does that mean? I don’t know! It will be different for all of us.

For some of us the Reclamation will involve a complete purge of objects, relationships, old familiar ways, burning through the old, to grow new from the ash.

For some of us a Reclamation might be as simple as one single NO.

No I won’t be attending the event.

No I will not entertain this damaging thought.

No I will not feel guilty about taking care of myself.

No I will not work for a company that requires the women to wear panty hose every day.
For some of us, the Reclamation will be in the form of a YES.

YES this is what I want.

YES I will swim naked in the moonlight.

YES I will take a lover.

YES I will travel alone.

YES I will do the unthinkable.

Whatever your unthinkable might be.

You might stop shaving your legs, if that suits your fancy. You might go without panties for a week, to see how that changes the way you move and experience the world. You might quit your job. You might leave a marriage. You might start a marriage. You might parachute, para-sail, para-glide. You might release a relationship, renew a promise, set fire to the old. Give birth to the new in you.

Dance. Sing. Scream. Run. Stay. Do the wild thing.

There’s a new movement sweeping the country, thousands of women have stopped shaving their legs. They’re taking pictures, they’re sharing them online. It’s bold, it’s definitely a Reclamation Proclamation of the wild one!

Although I don’t think I’ll be going to such extremes, (only because I don’t feel pulled in that direction, it doesn’t titillate me) I do occasionally allow them to grow unruly because I just don’t feel like shaving and it’s sort of fun to marvel at their prickly stubbly layer of hair that will most certainly grow wild if I let it.

Your wild child is begging you to let her out. She needs to live. She needs to breathe. She needs your respect and adoration.

You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. “

– Mary Oliver

Did you get that?

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Your wild one is calling out. Untame your spirit. How might your world change? How does your wild spirit want to reveal herself?

Do something wild. I dare you. Love what you love. Burn what needs to burn. Set fire to your tameness. To your jaded holding back, keeping it down, guarding your heart (as if.)

It’s not working.

You were born to be wild.

 

 

 

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Originally published Summer, 2014. Taking a short break from writing, be back soon!

Do the Wild Thing.

wwsbacks520

“Underneath it all, we are wild and we know it.”

– Reggie Ray, Buddhist scholar

 

From the time you were a little child they’ve been trying to tame you.

They told you how to sit, they told you how to behave. They told you what nice girls do and don’t and when you acted wild, they told you that “you should be ashamed of yourself.”

So you were.

They told you to sit still.

They told you to quiet down.

They told you to play nice and stop being bossy. They told you to not get dirty. To not be naughty.

You learned that if you were gonna get by in this world, your wild animal self would need to be trained in the ways of the world. You acclimated. You adapted. You shut her away.

You’ve spent your life trying to be good. They love you more when you’re good. But when good becomes false, your true self grieves. When playing by the rules becomes sacrificing your heart’s desires, death is slow and secret. You’re smiling on the outside and dying on the inside.

I declare a Reclamation Proclamation on your wild and fiery spirit. I dare you to untame yourself. Just a little bit. Or a lot.

What does that mean? I don’t know! It will be different for all of us.

For some of us the Reclamation will involve a complete purge of objects, relationships, old familiar ways, burning through the old, to grow new from the ash.

For some of us a Reclamation might be as simple as one single NO.

No I won’t be attending the event.

No I will not entertain this damaging thought.

No I will not feel guilty about taking care of myself.

No I will not work for a company that requires the women to wear panty hose every day.

 

For some of us, the Reclamation will be in the form of a YES.

YES this is what I want.

YES I will swim naked in the moonlight.

YES I will take a lover.

YES I will travel alone.

YES I will do the unthinkable.

Whatever your unthinkable might be.

 

You might stop shaving your legs, if that suits your fancy. You might go without panties for a week, to see how that changes the way you move and experience the world. You might quit your job. You might leave a marriage. You might start a marriage. You might parachute, para-sail, para-glide. You might release a relationship, renew a promise, set fire to the old.

Give birth to the new in you.

Dance. Sing. Scream. Run. Stay. Do the wild thing.

Your wild child is begging you to let her out. She needs to live. She needs to breathe. She needs your respect and adoration.

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. “

– Mary Oliver

Did you get that?

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Your wild one is calling out. Untame your spirit. How might your world change? How does your wild spirit want to reveal herself?

Do something wild. I dare you. Love what you love. Burn what needs to burn. Set fire to your tameness. To your jaded holding back, keeping it down, guarding your heart (as if.)

It’s not working.

You were born to be wild.

 

 

Originally published July 23, 2014

Five Dares for the Sexiest, Most Sacred Year Ever

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photo by Dee Hill

We’re a week into 2016 and by now we are either going strong or fizzling out with our resolutions, intentions and desired new habits.

Hopefully you are making steady consistent progress, building momentum and finding yourself a little closer to what it is you most want this year to be. I know I am!

What if, though, the best year of your life had little to do with accomplishments, milestones and achieved goals, and far more to do with living deliciously, passionately, indulgently, radically savoring, going deeper, daring, moving blissfully through your life and being your most sensual self? I think it does.

Today, instead of hammering you with a list of productivity tools, goal-setting techniques, tips for buckling down, getting serious, and all that jazz that you’re probably already tired of reading, I offer you these five dares for 2016…

 

1. I dare you to move! It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic or intense or expensive. Move in ways that please you. Experiment with new ways of moving. Live in your body. dance, stretch, walk, stretch some more. Too busy for classes? Fit in quick movement breaks into your day. Your body wants to move. Get up, get moving. Movement is medicine. I’ve committed to getting off my way-too-sedentary ass and moving at least 10 minutes a day in January. I want my body to get used to moving again, before I crank up the durations. I give myself stickers in my planner when I do the movement. My inner five-year old loves them.

 

2. I dare you to go deeper. Dare to experience deeper intimacy with your partner, friends and family.  Go there. Ask brave questions. Speak brave truths. Ditch the small talk. Let your life become a game of Truth or Dare.

How will you know when it’s the perfect time to go deeper? When up against a moment, your fight or flight instinct kicks in, and you want to run, hide, back away, or shut down. Instead, go deeper. On the other side is always deeper intimacy, deeper connection and trust, whether with others or in your most important relationship, the one with yourself.

 

3. I dare you to live the Pleasure Path. Be a hedonist. You are wired for pleasure. You are divinely designed for it.

Each day, commit to three acts of pleasure. Engage your senses as often as possible. Touch. Taste. Orgasm. Soak. Smell. Relish.

And don’t even think about using the excuse “I don’t have a mate!” with me. I swear on my life, being coupled has NOTHING to do with sensual living. Living a sensual life means using your senses to savor your life, at every opportunity. And trust me when I say this, ye singletons wanting to be coupled… the more sensual of a life you live, the more attractive you become. It’s science. It’s divine.

 

4. I dare you to adorn yourself.  Throw away the ratty granny underpants. Dress to impress (yourself). Experiment. You know that thing you bought when you were feeling wild that day, but haven’t had the guts to actually wear? Wear it.

Adventures in adornment need not break the bank. Thrift stores await you, full of treasures. Do not underestimate the power of a new drugstore lipstick shade, or putting on your favorite earrings or lacy underthings, just for you. We often fall out of touch with our sexiness and sensuality when we stop devoting time and energy to self-adornment. It falls off the list, it happens. Return to adornment. It will reward you with yummy feelings, I promise. Self-adornment is as primitive and deeply innate as hunting and gathering.

 

5. I dare you to practice radical self-compassion. If being hard on ourselves were the way, we’d all be there by now. Explore the places within you where self-compassion could serve you well. Become vigilant about changing the conversation with your inner critic and commit to loving, generous and kind ways of treating and speaking to yourself. Make a commitment to talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a beloved friend.

I have no doubt that if you and I commit whole-heartedly to making these dares part of our daily lives, we will have one helluva sacred, sexy, amazing year! Are you down? Come on, sexy, let’s do this!

 

 

 

 

If It Feels Good…

tumblr_n8h069Wk6V1qc64bxo1_250As I sit down to write this morning, the steady rhythm of a rain shower as my background music, I open wide my office French doors in order to take it in, to breathe in the sweet summer air and better hear the rain song, I think “this is what she’s talking about.”

Who is she, you ask? And what is she talking about? Dr. Christine Northrup, and I’m reading her latest book, “Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being” and it’s a game-changer.

I have innately known, for my whole life, really, that pleasure is my birthright. However, it’s easy to forget what we innately know. Especially when truth is indoctrinated out of us!

I’ve been contemplating pleasure as a spiritual path for years, ever since I gave up the tired and unpleasant notion that my capacity for pleasure and my spirituality were two separate things, that “pleasures of the flesh” as they called them in church was another term for “sin.” Slowly but surely, I began to return to what I know to be true:

I am wired for pleasure.

Pleasure is my prescription for health and vitality.

There is nothing sinful about feeling good.

There is nothing shameful about feeling sexy.

Dr. Northrup says…

“Denying and demonizing pleasure has caused too many women (and men) to doubt our natural instincts that tell us that when we feel good in our bodies and hearts, we overflow with joy and abundance that spills out onto other people. Our cup runneth over, and it keeps getting refilled with pleasure, when we reconnect to Spirit.”

And then there is the science to back up our miraculous design.The biochemistry of pleasure counteracts the biochemistry of aging.

Nitric oxide (not to be confused with nitrous) is THE Grand Poo-bah of neurotransmitters and it increases and balances all of the others… oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, DMT, all of these brilliantly designed chemicals that flow through us… when we feel good.

We need these chemicals in us to feel good.

And when we laugh, when we connect, when we orgasm, when we are feeling pleasure, more nitric oxide is produced, creating more of the other chemicals that create vitality, health and happiness.

We are wired for pleasure.

Happiness (with pleasure as a proven path!) is crucial for vibrant health. Pleasure is not selfish. It’s a gift. It’s medicine. It’s necessary.

Northrup goes on to say…

“Find pleasure in your body, not just sexually, but sensually. Truly delight in tastes, sights, smells, sounds and tactile sensations such as the deep touch of a massage or the light touch of soft fabric or a feather against your skin…

Our bodies are actually designed to thrive and repair themselves through the earthly pleasure of being in a body.”

Wow. I just love this stuff… Fellow hedonists and pleasure-seekers, does this give us permission to dive face-first into our hedonism, bingeing on fattening unhealthy foods, alcohol and drugs, in the pursuit of pleasure? Sure, why not, right? Ummm…

Here’s why not: Too much of these standard pleasurable go-tos at have a counter-effect on our bodies when ingested in excess.

We all know what happens to our bodies with an excess of sugary or fatty foods. And yes, alcohol makes us feel good for a short-term, but too much alcohol over time dulls our bodies’ pathways and actually diminishes our system’s ability to create dopamine and other natural pleasure-chemicals. So we feel shittier when we’re sober, which makes us want to drink more, for that cheap and quick, though fleeting, relief.  Regular and excessive alcohol use also has the vicious-cycle affect of inflammation and oxidation, which are the sources of most pain, ailments and aging symptoms.  Am I suggesting you quit using these pleasurable substances altogether, and go ‘au natural’ in your pleasure-seeking? Only if that’s what you’re feeling called toward.

What I am suggesting is that both you and me crank up the dial on our intention to mindfully seek opportunities for pleasure. From the mundane and everyday rituals to the extreme peak experiences.

More intentional, healthy pleasure, YES!

I’ve committed to three acts of pleasure each morning before starting my workday.  And oh, what fun I had this morning. Within a half hour, I had given myself a mini-aromatherapy session with lavender oil (proven to increase feelings of happiness and well-being), danced to a few of my favorite dance songs, and had a short and very sweet private session with myself and a few toe-curling moments.. yeah, that’s pleasure, all right! Ain’t no shame!

I’m simply taking Dr. Northrup’s professional medical advice very seriously!

“My prescription for general health is to experience more pleasure… We have forgotten the importance of pleasure and we need to remember how to experience it regularly- as a daily part of life.”

Will you join me, and commit to three acts of pleasure before you get your day rolling each morning? A conspiracy of pleasure! For our health?! Hell yeah!

No more holding back from pleasure. It’s our birthright. It’s science. It’s our prescription. Doctor’s orders.

Let’s get it on!

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I want to hear from you! Share your three pleasures today in the comments below!

Join me for a pleasure-focused WomenCircle, Wednesday 7/1, space is limited: Sexy & I Know It, in Dallas!

The Life-Affirming, Tantalizing, Divine Power of a Crush

16It’s ridiculously easy for me to develop a fast and furious crush. Especially in the springtime. I feel alive and new and it sure seems like life is flirting with me. And I let myself be seduced by the deliciousness life lures me with, to feel. To feel as much as possible.

For me, a crush comes on like a wildfire, usually unbidden and unexpected. It may be on someone in a coffee shop, a celebrity, a new song, a new band, a view from my window, a group of new friends, a new lovely spot to sit and think in, a smell, a color, a texture, a new season and its showy flirtations, the touch of my lover, my own amazing self, rediscovered. I allow the feeling to sweep me away, that feeling of being in myself deeply, yet outside of myself, at the same time.

This is powerful energy, the energy of a crush. It stirs me and shakes me and feels like an obsession, and I allow the obsession to take over, for a few minutes or hours or days, and soon, on its own healthy terms, it dissipates, like the light misty spring drizzle that starts out as a storm, like a spinning, dizzying carnival ride, that lets me off almost as quickly as it starts. It goes away quietly sometimes, suddenly at other times.

And in its wake, I am left feeling alive. Pulsing with reality. Fierce with the potential for passion.

A crush makes you electric, makes your blood move through your veins at rushing, palpable speeds, makes the world more vibrant and colorful, makes you more vibrant and colorful to the world.

This is good stuff!

So then why are we afraid of crushes? Are we afraid of losing control? Of making bad choices? Of getting so caught up in them, we risk losing what matters most? Are we afraid of slipping into something sinister, something confusing, something vulnerable?

At one time in my life, it wasn’t safe for me to develop crushes. I didn’t trust myself, probably because I wasn’t trustworthy. But as I’ve evolved and as my healing path continues to unfold, I’m learning and becoming who I truly am, and I’m becoming implicitly committed to myself, my relationship and my own whole and healed heart, I’m not afraid of myself anymore.

When you trust yourself implicitly, a crush is a safe and delicious way to enrich your experience of being alive, of being human.

When you have in place your own boundaries, when you know what you will allow to tickle your existence, and only tickle… when you know exactly who you want to be, and you trust and believe in yourself and your commitments, while also understanding the pure chemical reactions and delicious sensations indulging a crush invites you to experience, you can crush deeply and intensely, and risk nothing.

When you allow the intensity of emotions to spin you round and round, to turn you upside down, to shift your innards and tickle your skin, you get to feel some of the best stuff life has to offer.

Dopamine, endorphins, seratonin, oxytocin, all these wonderful, wondrous feel-good drugs and our own bodies are the pharmacy! We are designed for our own pleasure, and feeling these feelings pleases the divine!

What if “crushing” was designed by the divine to actually bring you closer to the godliness, the perfection, the divinity, that you are?

Living in restraint, avoiding feelings, avoiding the richness of head-over-heels crazy crush moments is possible. But yawn… so boring!

You are wired for the delectable joys and sensations and delights of a human being in love with the world! So pick your crush. Let it have its way with your body, with your feelings and sensastions, and the way you experience the world and the world experiences you. Let it run through you like a wild, roaring, crashing wave, while you keep your soul and mind and commitments in tact and in charge. It’s safe.

You’re safe.

So what will let yourself crush on?

 

 

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photo by dee hill, hamu by vivienne vermuth

 

You’re Sexy and You Know It

Marilyn_2399557b

“When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it,
show it, show it, show it…

I’m sexy and I know it.”

-LMFAO

You’ve heard the song. Maybe you’ve even sung along in  your car, or danced with friends to it. It’s goofy and it’s catchy and my goodness, is it loaded with bravado (“No shoes, no shirt, and I STILL get serviced”, for example…) But there’s something in the over-the-top arrogance that the soul recognizes. Yeah. I said soul.

Have you ever felt so sure of yourself, so attractive and on top of your game, confident and put together to the point where your body and your soul are in complete alignment, when your senses are providing a direct line to your spirit and you’re abuzz with reality? When you are sexy, and you know it?

You may have experienced it dancing, making love, climaxing alone, celebrating with friends, completing a project that turned out better than you even expected. Showing up fully for loved ones who need you. Flirting with your new crush, or your husband of 25 years.

You know the feeling.

It’s when who you are on the inside reflects who you are on the outside.

It’s when your senses are fully engaged.

It’s when your experience of yourself becomes High Definition, and the world and everything in it shines brighter for that reason.

It’s when connection, real connection- heart to heart, soul to soul connection happens.

It’s where curiosity meets longing and you’ve never felt more alive.

You’re sexy and you know it.

If you’re not experiencing this at all, or you can’t remember the last time… it may be time for a shift.

Life was meant to be savored. Life is longing to seduce you. There is so much passion, so much richness and flavor and color and texture all around, and guess what? It’s for you.  When you are engaged, fully engaged, with life and the world and yourself, you can’t help to experience a little bravado. Mixed with a tender humility, you feel WOW. You ARE wow, embodied.

Life is a passionate lover, and it matters not if you have a human lover or if you simply decide to let Life itself be your mate, with all of its surprises, seduction, romance, adventures and gifts.

Feeling sexy is your birthright.  And Life has a crush on you. Go on. Flirt.

 

 

This will be the year.

1531561_815368858506164_6941144674757297414_nAlmost five years ago, the idea for SacredSexyU was born, from a seed that had been gestating in me for years. I could feel it stirring. I didn’t exactly know what it would look like, or even be called, I let it sit, and grow, and stir.

And then one day, from “out of nowhere”, a woman showed up in my life, wanting to hire me to coach her into the emergence of a sexier, more luscious and sensual life. And the idea was ready to be birthed. The idea became a practice, called SacredSexyU. And the practice became a business, and a way of life. My life has never been the same.

Since that very first client, I have supported hundreds of women in their emergence. I continue to be blown away by the brazen badassery, beauty and boldness that exists in every woman. It has been my life’s passion, and my inspiration.

Very early on, when SacredSexyU was just days old, I sat down to write the SacredSexyU Manifesto. I wanted to get clear on what SacredSexyU was about. What I was about.

Comprised of ten “tenets”, each tenet serves as an article of faith, of commitment, to myself, to my best life, and my full experience in it.  I hope it does the same for you.

That Manifesto still remains a core tool for my coaching work and guidance for my life. If you don’t have yours, download it here!

Print it. Read it. Post it. Read it. Then join me for a brand new experience…

Starting next week, I’ll be diving deep into each of the tenets, one at a time, month by month. I’m not sure what’s in store, but I know it will be great. Special blogs, journaling prompts, unique tools and exercises, audios, maybe even videos… let’s see where this Manifesto Magic takes us.

I’m creating it as we go, and I think it will also be creating me.

Join me on the journey, come on, let’s go. This will be the year when we go deeper, into a love affair so beautiful, so multi-layered, so profoundly compassionate and powerful, it might change everything.

There is no cost to participate. Just keep checking your email. If you’re not subscribed, sign up here, and let’s create the very best year of our lives (so far.)

Living in the Yes

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Your life is beckoning you, seducing you, begging you, inviting you to open fully to its offerings, and its offerings are immeasurable. In every situation, every choice, every encounter, every conflict, every moment, life is asking you to say yes. So is mine.

We all know the famous Helen Keller quote “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.”

There’s a catch. It’s only a daring adventure when we say yes.

Think of your life right now, take a bird’s eye view and look at the whole of your current experience.

Where are you fully engaged, fully present, in the yes? Where do you greet life’s invitation for the rich fullness of experience? Where is it easy for you to stay open, to stay permeable, to say yes?

In your relationship with your partner?

In your work?

In your body?

In your hobbies or passions or outlets for expression?

And then the inevitable question… Where in your life could you be more yes?

Where is it difficult for you to stay open? To listen? To receive? To release your position, your stronghold, your agenda, your resistance, your righteousness, and simply unfold your creases and open to the potential of Yes?

In your relationship with your partner?

In your work?

In your body?

In your hobbies or passions or outlets for expression?

I bet there is at least one area in your life where you are holding back, hiding, resisting, numbing, limiting your experience. It’s okay to be afraid. Notice and name your fear, and then…

What if you said Yes?

It takes tremendous courage to live in the Yes. Sometimes, when it gets too real, too intense, too big, we even scurry back to the No. to the closed, seemingly safer, smaller life.

But cocoons were never meant to be a long term housing solution.

It’s time to wiggle your way free.

Grow or die.

Daring adventure…

Or nothing. Is it time for a Yes?