When It’s Time, You Know.
I’ve been noticing something interesting lately. I’ve been starting out my days on a high vibration, fiercely grateful, mindfully approaching every task with presence, joy… All ooey-gooey and overflowing with love. And I move through my day, completing tasks. Or not. Bouncing around from one priority to another. One diversion to another.
And then, at some point, BAM. I crash. I don’t just crash. I plummet. My mood shifts dramatically. I go from “joyous bearer of light” to “bitch on wheels”. Just like that. Or so it seems.
I look at my sweet Facebook posts from the morning and roll my eyes at myself. I think bad thoughts. I make careless mistakes. I’m stressed and tired and off-kilter.
All that overflowing, ooey-gooey love has coagulated and turned into something much less appetizing, viscous and dry. I am hard and closed and cranky. I dislike. I complain. I judge. I worry. I feel overwhelmed and feral. Not fit for human interaction.
What is this shift? Why does it happen? So suddenly it seems, yet maybe if I look closely, not so sudden at all.
For a while I thought it was a sugar crash. Or a hormonal imbalance. Or demon possession. But today, I’m realizing it’s something way more subtle and insidious. And really, quite simple…
I haven’t checked in with myself.
All tangled up in the doing, going, creating, replying, forwarding, posting, planning, I’ve wandered away from myself.
It makes perfect sense. I start my day with ritual. I make my coffee. I light candles. I journal. I read. I pray. It’s no wonder I’m full of love and light!
And then, little by little, I disconnect from myself, from Source. I forget to check in. I ignore the desire to stretch. I hold my pee for ridiculous lengths of time.
I’ve decided here and now to take up a new daily practice. A simple practice called stopping. Remember lunch hours? I used to have them in corporate America. I kinda miss those.
I will check in. Ask myself what I want, feel and need. I will tune in, jump off the grid for a few minutes. Refuel. Start my midday the way I start my morning. Wow. What a concept. And why not? I heard a woman say to another woman who was complaining about her back-breaking busy schedule… “Wow… Who on earth is responsible for treating you that way? Who’s the tyrant that manages your schedule?” Yes, it was sarcastic. In a loving sort of way.
“You get out of balance because you aren’t listening to your inner life, because you aren’t meeting your challenges of your life with any input from the inside. you haven’t given yourself enough time
to know what you think or feel.”
– Jennifer Louden, “Comfort Secrets for Busy Women”
I’m ready to try something new. To restore my balance midday in order to experience more joy. And this epiphany I am gifted with when I stop to check in with myself.
What shifts or changes are you ready to make? What truth is waiting for you, if you simply check in with yourself?
What if during your next mood swing, you took it as a message from your soul to check in with yourself, to step aside, stop, recalibrate, reset, turn inward?
I’m off to restore and renew now… See you on the other side of my day. Most likely, in a much better mood.
It happens every year, right around this time. I get to feeling super reflective, looking back at the year I am completing, culling and sifting through the details to find the juice, to find the gains, the growth, the stuff to feel proud of.
AND I start getting antsy as hell for a brand new year. A clean slate. A fresh start. I itch for it. I crave its freshness, its potential, its possibilities.
Like clockwork, here I am. I’m ready.
There’s no denying, for millions of us, 2016 has been an intense, eventful year of shifts, transitions, collective loss, collective grief, fear, and pain.
AND everything else.
While yes, we’ve been challenged, we’ve also been blessed.
I’m not suggesting we ignore our pain, or bypass our struggles, pretending they didn’t exist, but let’s widen our scope, to really take it all in. There was so much good. If we want to admit it.
Before we move into 2017, I want to present to you some some questions for reflection.
Take some time to consider, journal, contemplate, make art, chat through the questions and answers with friends, whatever! It doesn’t matter how you do it, but it does make a difference when you do it.
I’ll go first.
If you asked me what I learned this year, I’d tell you this.
I am far more powerful than I realized. I can do what I thought impossible. I am my own hero.
I learned that I can’t do it alone.
I learned that my body is my friend. I’ve learned that my body is boss. I learned that my body is an animal. She’s a mammal. And she’s far wiser than I ever gave her credit for.
If you asked me what I let go of this year, I’d tell you this.
I let go of the story that I want or need alcohol in my life. I let go of the story that life was too hard without it. I let go of the story that life was no fun without it. I let go of the belief that “I can’t.”
I let go of the need to change my body before I love her. I said bye-bye to diets, once and for all.
I let go of my excuses. Most of them, at least.
If you asked me what I gained this year, I’d tell you this.
Confidence. Power. Strength. Understanding. Pride. Self-trust. Intimacy. Inspiration. Love, love, love. Lots of love.
If you asked me how I changed this year, I’d tell you this.
I used to think I knew what freedom was. And then I found new freedom. I got out of my own way, once and for all. I have re-built the broken trust I had with myself. I let love in. I learned to be supported. I did brave things, and got braver in the process. I took chances, I stretched, in my life, my relationships, my business. I made myself proud, very proud. I discovered things about myself I wasn’t aware of, by getting sober. I discovered more of my shadows. I discovered more of my light.
If you asked me to create a picture of myself, in relation to this year, I’d show you this.
I am turning, I am spinning, to a rhythmic beat, my arms extended, stretched in the air, my head thrown back, I am dancing, I am smiling, I am laughing.
If you asked me to sum it all up, this big, outrageous, intense, helluva year, I’d tell you this.
Thank you. Wow. Yes. Ahhhhhh… Hell yeah.
What about you?
What did you learn this year? How have you changed this year? What did you let go of? What did you gain? Create a picture of yourself, in relation to this year. And sum it all up.
I want to know.
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