surrender

Support for When Things Suck

 

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need. Watch for the guru.”

Let’s call a spade a spade, here. Sometimes, life just sucks. Sometimes pain takes over and ruins everything. Sometimes shitty things happen. Sometimes watching for the guru feels impossible. Sometimes, screw the guru.

In the middle of our muck, our dark nights of the soul, when our lives are falling apart at the seams, when we’ve lost the very people or things we trusted most, whether we have infections, diseases, chronic pain, migraines, nosebleeds, bug bites, lay-offs, miscarriages, death, break-ups, any of these crappy things, finding the light, finding the good, claiming “everything happens for a reason” in the middle of some very sucky everythings… is just not humanly possible.

There it is: humanly possible.

And guess what we are? Souls walking around as human manifestations. What if we accepted that during certain times, it’s okay to wallow? It’s okay to surrender to the suck.

“Look for the bright side?” Eff you.

But what we can trust is the other side. There is always movement.

We are always moving toward the other side.

Sometimes it happens on its own, microscopic and minute, like the blooming of a bud, unseen with the human eye. Sometimes we work hard at it, like a construction crew with a deadline and a strip mall to build.

Sometime the only thing required to move out of the muck and the suck is to surrender and trust in the natural unfolding and healing salve of time.

In the meantime, if you need to whine, whine. Find your support team that will love you through.

If you need to scratch the rash, scratch it. Do what you need to do that will give you even fleeting seconds of relief.

If you need to cry, let the tears flow.

If you need to curl in a ball, retreat from the world, stop showering for a few days, go on, curl. You’ll save money on hot water.

If you need to destroy property, well, you might want to rethink that one… but you get my point.

Feel your broken heart. Grieve. Gripe. Groan. Give in to what needs to be felt and experienced.

So much of our pain comes when we are resisting our pain. When we are thinking that as spiritual people, we should always find the gifts in our pain, after all, we chose our pain, we created it, as some spiritual teachers will have us believe. And maybe sometimes we do. It’s quite the mind-numbing paradox.

But sometimes, suck just happens.

Over the last few years, one of my gurus has been a chronic nerve pain condition in my hip, back and leg that has sometimes debilitated me, sometimes turned me to a crying sack of gloom, has slowed me down, has pissed me off, has enraged me, has cost me lots of money, has shut down my life and kept me from the things I love to do… how the hell am I supposed to bless this guru? As a human being, how can I love this pain?

Yes, I am human, AND within me resides the infinite power of the universe. So sometimes I can access that, and use the Big Love when mine falls short. But, mostly, it’s when the pain subsides. It’s when a flare-up flares down.

It’s only when I’m on the other side, I have said, wow… I learned so much. I slowed down, I practiced exquisite self-care. I re-prioritized. I rested. I learned to count on friends. I practiced asking for help, receiving. I grew. Thanks, Guru, Chronic Pain.

But until then, when I am in the suck… it sucks, okay? Let’s stop trying to fool ourselves about that.

Be with your pain. Be with your suffering, be with your suck. Allow yourself to feel every ugly or pitiful feeling you need to feel. Wallow if you need to, cry, scream, whine, fully occupy your humanness and all of the messy, crappy, sticky, stinky, painful things that come with that.

Trust the other side. You’re always moving toward it.

My Summer of Reinvention & Transformation

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Hey there, friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. And what huge changes my life has been experiencing this summer. You may have noticed and heard some things, I’ve shared some with you already.

I’ve been in reinvention mode this summer, allowing life to unfold, practicing surrender, learning new skills, “retiring” my relentless drive to hustle…  and changing, big time, in the process.

Here’s what’s different about me. As I’ve shared recently, I have made some big decisions to pull back from producing events and group programs, including the Burlesque Experience. I am still life coaching privately, working with several clients, and open to more! Coaching is something I love with a passion and hope to continue well into my golden years. As I grow, heal, shift and change, I also become a better coach. I’ve never loved the work as much as I do now, and I’ve never been this good at it! And I will keep getting better and better, as I continue to study and add skills and experience to my “toolbox.”

I’ve also been working on a new “side-hustle”.. you are not gonna believe this. I just obtained my license to sell life insurance as a part of the Dynamic Insurance Services team. Yep! Can you believe it? ME? A Life Insurance Agent? (I prefer the title Senior Benefits Advocate!) The path has been arduous (including passing a state exam and studying like crazy for the first time in 30 years!) Weeks of training and lots of learning. Lots of “rookie” mistakes and discomfort… and while I still have much to learn, I’m up and running and really enjoying it. This work is fulfilling and rewarding, and the part-time work-from-home hours fit in so well with the lifestyle I desire and the dreams I have for the future. If you need life insurance, let’s talk! (Can you believe I just said that?)

I’m trying to find my writing groove. I have books in me, that want to be written, and I’m coming up against what every single person I coach (and know!) comes up against when they begin to nurture a creative dream: resistance. Yep, I am not exempt or immune. My resistance has a favorite disguise: not enough time. Ideally, I’d love big old blank expanses of time to write, whole days, preferred. What is actually realistic is making time from the small pockets of blank space, an hour here, an hour there. And schedule the occasional writing day or weekend or week. In the meantime, I need to stop making excuses and start writing!

The final semester of the Burlesque Experience has begun, and we are off to an exciting start. I love these women, their courage, their inner and outer beauty, their desire to tap into parts of themselves and commit to themselves in new ways. They inspire me in so many was.

The wrapping up of such an enveloping, exciting part of my life is bittersweet and emotional. I have waves of “what the hell am I doing, letting this go?” yet on another level, I know that the next step of my life, the next chapter of my story, the next level of impact that I long to have in the world requires I create space for it. And so creating space is what I’m doing.

I’ve given myself permission to step back from weekly blogs and emails. I will be blogging and sending my Quickies more sporadically now, I’m allowing myself some slack there. Let’s stay connected.

If you’ve considered working with me as your coach, let’s set up a complimentary Discovery Session so you could get a taste of what it’s like to be supported in this way.

And if not, that’s okay! Either way, I want to hear from you. Let me know what’s going on in your life! What changes have you been making? What resistance are you moving through? What is your life asking of you? While you might be seeing “less” of me, it’s an illusion. I’m still here. I’m more ME than I’ve ever been, and I’d love to keep the conversation going.

It’s still my deepest commitment to be of support, inspiration and encouragement to women, continuing my life’s calling of offering women access to their innate magnificence, power and radiance. Some things have changed, yes. But that never will.

 

 

A Real Pain in the Ass

ASS-PAINI woke up this Tuesday morning, stepped out of bed, and within my first couple steps, I was staggering in breath-taking pain. WTF. Sharp, intense, shooting up my back and down my leg, and centralized in my ass, right side, this pain has made a rude and unexpected appearance back in my life.

I am immediately filled with anger, resistance.

NOT NOW. NOT welcome. NOT okay. TOO BUSY. Too much going on. I immediately began my hip and back stretches, Matt helping me, though it hurt like hell and some stretches literally were impossible.

May I repeat, WTF.

See, this sciatica and I have a long history together, but so much time had passed, three or four years, and while I am always in some level of daily pain and soreness in my back and hips, not like this.

NOPE. I’m not having it. I resisted. I complained. I argued. I felt disappointed in my body.

Here’s the worst part. I felt betrayed by my body. As you may know, body acceptance, embodiment practices, body awareness, they’ve been my thing lately, and me and my body, we have a love affair going on. So more WTFs. I’m not pleased with this, not one bit.

All day Tuesday, all day Wednesday, going through the whys, through the questions, What have I done to bring this on? Why now? What’s the lesson? What’s the message? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Thinking of my calendar, my life ahead, remembering how a few years ago, this situation was chronic, for many, many months, and it shut my whole life down, so now, I’m scared on top of everything else. The implications. I can’t stop working. Fear, anger and disappointment, more resistance, all creating a mad, spiraling tail spin.

And then one of my dearest friends, my truth-telling sister Angela chats me up on Facebook. I tell her I might need to cancel her birthday date night tomorrow. It’s too painful to sit, drive, stand, move. She sympathizes, gives me love, asks what she can do and encourages me to ask for prayers and healing energy from my support system. (I’m asking for them now, please. Whatever you’re into, whatever you believe in, I’ll take whatever you can spare!)

Then, she helps me remember how futile resistance is, and how surrender is always a better choice. As a7LdaP9Fzr-8stubborn as I am, as difficult surrender can feel at times, it’s always the best choice. Because here I am, in a vicious, unexpected pain cycle. YOU ARE HERE, the mall map of my life would point with a big red X, right here, in this pain.

Today, in my morning reading of “A Year of Conscious Living” daily meditations book by Gay Hendricks, wouldn’t you know it? The entry for today is about physical pain. About resisting and surrendering, and I’m stunned. I feel held, seen, cared for by the Divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Shaking my head at divine perfection and the way we get what we need, exactly when we need it, I read these words…

“I know what to do now. Stop resisting the pain. Flow with it instead of fighting or fleeing from it. Just breathe. Just flow.”

And now, I remind myself, I don’t have to know “WHY.” I can just be with what is.

I have two choices here. I can focus my energy on being with myself, taking care of myself, tending to this uninvited guest like a good host. Or I can resist.

So I treat myself tenderly, giving myself the utmost attention and care. I immediately begin doing the things I’ve learned to do, through trial and error a few years ago. I’ve earned this wisdom through pain. I trust these practices. I do the things that help.  I clear space on my calendar, to make time for rest and recovery, to make a welcoming place for this surprise guest.

I feel the surrender, as it shifts from resistance, and it feels like freedom.

It feels spacious and loving, and I can feel restoration already happening within me.

If there is a lesson for me here, it’s surrender.

If there is a message here, it’s tend to yourself.

There is no need to find fault or blame. My body hasn’t betrayed me. This pain is a set of responses, facts and data, signals. My body is not at fault. She is hurting.

My body is loving me through this. Can I offer her the same?

So with my breath, I return to flow. Even with this pain, I return to my BodyLove Affair. Is this pain an invitation to love my body better? Ohhh… Well then. So shall it be.

I will love my body better.

I will love her through this.

I am on her side.

The Stupid, Terrible Choices of the People We Love

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One late, balmy night this past summer, I’m on the phone with my little brother, my brilliant and very gifted and very drunk brother. He’s a thousand miles away, literally and figuratively. He has struggled with alcoholism for half of his life, he is crying. He is bottoming, though at the time, I’m worried it’s the end. He’s talking like it is. I am terrified.

I plead with him. I know he can’t go on this way, it’s gone too far, it’s gone on too long. His body is tired. His soul is tired.

“This is not your path.” I sob to him. “God wants something better for you.”

“How do you know my path?” He seethes, half slurring, half yelling at me. “You don’t know what God wants! Who do you think you are?”

His words feel like a sock to my stomach, they take the wind out of me. Because they’re true.

I know what I want, of course. I want him to be happy. I want him to conquer this disease and experience a life of healing and wholeness. I want him alive.

But how can I, for one minute, ever pretend to know what someone’s path is?

And can I open to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this actually is his path?

How arrogant of me to think for one second that I know what is “best” for anyone.

To differentiate my opinions from “what is best” is a lesson I have learned, again and again, the hard way.

And sometimes, I learn it in a miraculous way. As of this writing, my brother is several months (sober date 9.2.16!) into his recovery. He is connected to a sober community, creating a new life, with new aspirations, supporting other addicts, after we weren’t sure he would make it out that time. He made it out. He’s fighting the fight, one day at a time.

An addict may need to bottom before they can rise from the ashes. And we need our missteps, bad choices and mistakes to find our way. In fact, our missteps, bad choices and mistakes ARE our way. This goes for others, too.

Even when we think we know what’s best for them.

When we think the ones we love have wandered from their paths, it behooves us to consider that this is exactly their path.

It’s something I have to remind myself of, over and over again, especially in my work as a life coach. And as a human being.

It’s not an easy pill to swallow, when ideally, I’d love to see everyone I love and care about happy and “fulfilling their potential”, a phrase I’m growing a little leery of, truthfully. Do we ever fulfill our potential? CAN we ever?

I have big, exciting visions for the people I care about, picturing what I think is their best, what I think they deserve, what I think they can achieve, what I think they should do.

Ah yes, a loving kind of arrogance, but arrogance nonetheless.

A friend writes me, frustrated and broken-hearted that her best friend has again fallen for Mr. Wrong. This time, she’s ended up penniless and homeless after he booted her out unexpectedly. “She is so lost. It’s killing me.”

A client laments over the poor choices of her young adult son, destined, she’s certain, for a life of tragic tales. He just got fired from his job for copping an attitude. He’s smoking too much weed. His girlfriend is under-age. He’s headed down a frightening path, and my client doesn’t know what to do. “He’s my baby.” She cries. Yes, he’s twenty-seven. But he’ll always be her baby.

My response is probably not what they want to hear.

Can you trust that this is their path?

Can you believe that Life is smarter than you?

Are you willing to surrender the idea that you know what is best?

It’s hard to watch people we care about fumble, and ache, and fall, and fail. It’s painful, heartbreaking, even devastating, at times.

We can choose to love them, hold them in prayer. Help, when and how we can. Show up ready to work when they’re ready for change.

But we must be cautious when we find ourselves thinking we know what is best for them. That’s our own agenda. And who are we? And what do we know?

What we think is best may be very, very different of what they came here to experience.

Let’s stop pretending we know, in this great mystery called Life, what is best for anyone.

Our opportunity here is to practice trust. To love without conditions. To take care of ourselves.

Our invitation here is to practice surrender. Again and again.

And yet, isn’t it always?

Avoiding the Void

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artwork: the void by ice pick lodge

“There is a Buddhist term that beautifully describes this stage — Sunyata,
which literally means “the value of the void” or “to strive after the void”…
value the time between for what it truly is– a primal state of pure energy,
the natural beginning of all creative acts, a fertile field of infinite possibility.”

– Barbara Stanny

I had some great plans when I finally got so many admin tasks off my plate, thanks to the support of my new assistant, Hannah.

Prior to hiring her, I had hit a wall with productivity, my creativity was constipated. It seemed most of what I was spending my time doing was administrative tasks. I had no energetic space left for creating, innovating and inspired actions. I dreamed of a time when I could clear space where new ideas would magically rain from the sky and soak me up in magic creativity juice. The Next Big Thing was coming, I thought; I knew. But I also knew that first I needed to create space for it.

As Hannah got up and running, my plate did start to feel clearer. Even more powerful than the time that was being freed, I began to feel an energetic shift that seemed like an inner opening. It was a strange sensation. I was spending less time doing, doing, doing and more time just being. And umm, yeah, it felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

The Doer in me quickly started guilting me, judging me for not being busy enough, loving to brand this new clearer space as “laziness”, scaring me about money and/or my inability to create it, if I wasn’t overwhelmingly swamped. But mostly the new void I had created– with the intention of finding inspiration there– was utterly and painfully unfamiliar to me. And sitting still in it? Wow… that was asking a lot.

So I scrambled to fill that empty space, telling myself a new story- a bullshit story- that I had actually created the void so that I could DO MORE. Yes, that’s it! More, more, more!

Blank space for recycling old creations, for making more happen, more events, more commitments, more money, fill, fill, fill that empty space…. quickly! Before I die. before I die of what? Insignificance? Before I die of non-productivity? Before I die of invisibility or obsolescence?

Okay, that may be a little melodramatic, but here’s the fact of the matter. I know I have reached a place in my life and work where surrender and pause is as necessary as winter is to spring.

I have been in nonstop output mode for the majority of the last decade. I have reached a point (I’ve been reaching it for a year or so, reluctantly) where a “creativity sabbatical” of sorts is required, where I can sit and be, and actually allow the blank space, without the mad, panicked reflexive impulse to fill it up.

Ohhh, this is no easy feat for me. As an entrepreneur who has been constantly creating “something out of nothing” in order to create my living, this “nothing” seems to begging for “something”.

And as “Destiny” (or God, as I sometimes also like to call her) should have it, I’m reading a most amazing book, Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles by Barbara Stanny, (as quoted from, at the beginning of this post) and happened to fall on the chapter “Receptive Surrender.”

This entire chapter seems to be speaking directly to me, with its perfectly perfect timing, and oh, am I listening!

“Our frightened Ego, tasked to protect us, needs perpetual motion as a pretense for control. The Soul however, as our guide to Greatness, requires stillness so we can hear the secrets it yearns to share…” 

And then, she goes on to say this…

“Without endless activity, we’re left with empty space. And empty space gives way to painful feelings. Fear, self-doubt, anger, jealousy,shame– all those viscous demons we’ve been artfully dodging– will inevitably rear their ugly heads. Rather than experience the pain, we fill up the spaces.”

I can say that I am not consciously aware of any painful feelings that I have been avoiding. I am mostly pretty courageous when it comes to feeling it all. But I bet there’s something there for me. I bet there’s something that needs to be felt. And creating a clearing for it will lead me to the other side.

Then there’s this yumminess…

“Buried under the intensity of raw emotion lies a cornucopia of wisdom, freedom and ultimately, healing. On the other side of fear is where your power (and pleasure) lies.”

Yummy, right?

So here is my promise, to you, to myself. I will stay in this uncomfortable space, trusting in its divine perfection, and I’m learning how to be very choosy with how I fill my time, what I output, how I input, and mostly focus on being receptively surrendered.

What does that mean for you?

Less events on the calendar. Maybe less blogs or emails. Less yes and more no, perhaps.

But I dare you to join me, in whatever way your soul calls you to do so, to create some space in your own life, as a sacred surrender, receptively awaiting further instructions, to be with the void, to allow it, to stay in it, without the impulse to fill it with busyness and activity, and see what happens.

I will continue with private and group coaching, as well as the Burlesque Experience. But that might be all, for now. And I am willing to be okay with that. (Not that I’m okay with it yet, but I’m willing to be.) When the waves of guilt round “laziness” or panic around money arise, I will remind myself that I am receptively surrendered, and I need not worry or fret in the presence of the void.

It’s where the next me is gestating.

It’s where the next chapter of my life’s work will be born.

I have no idea what that will be. (Gulp!)

But I (think I can) be okay with not knowing.

And I absolutely trust, without a doubt that whatever it is, it’s going to be great…

if I can stop avoiding the void.

 

 

Receptively Surrendered: Notes from the Scary Blank Spaces

319779_10150881076708473_1482068609_nA shifting has been happening, within me, in my personal life, in my business, and perhaps you’ve noticed, I haven’t been consistently blogging or sending Quickies or keeping up with the SacredSexyU Facebook page. It may look like slacking, but trust me. It isn’t, I swear.

I’ve come to realize, thanks to the messages of various teachers, signs and synchronicities, that this downtime, this slowing down, this surrendered period of stillness is critical to my growth. It’s all okay.

I quiet the shadowy voices that tell me I need to be doing, doing, doing. That I need to figure it all out, I need answers, a plan, a strategy, that sitting, surrendering, stillness is just another form of laziness. And they hush, for a spell.

And when they fire up again, I quiet them again. And again, and again.

I’ve been restless, I’ve been itchy and uncertain, anxious.

I realize that these are signs from Spirit that it’s time to play a bigger game, to step up, to step further into my path and make some big changes, take some big risks. Ugh, I’m not gonna lie. I’m terrified.

Surrender doesn’t come easy to most of us, especially us “doers”. Stillness, ha! Our world, our lives are designed to distract us, busy us, preoccupy us. Even more reason to stop, to slow.

It’s funny how these things work, when I’m face to face with a new area for growth and evolution, coaching clients show up in my practice who are desiring growth and evolution in the very same areas. So while we are working together, we really ARE working together. Growing together. I’m blessed by each of them, and they are anchors in my sea, and I’m honored and privileged to support them on their paths, at this perfect time.

Here’s another thing I’ve realized. At this point in my business, it has become impossible to grow without enlisting a strong and experienced Executive Assistant. I’ve been blessed with the help of many people over the years, interns that have come and gone and done great work for me in the short term. But it’s time to step it up, says Spirit. If you want to grow, it’s time to get more serious about support. I’ve hired a professional to work consistently with me, in my office and from her home, to scoop  my administrative tasks from my plate, so that I have room to create. To build. To grow.

I’ve known that was the next step for a long time, but my fears kept me from making a commitment like that. Then, in the awesome way that things unfold, I figured out a way to share a full-time administrative assistant with my fiance and his business! Thinking out of the box, we created an admin-share arrangement! For months up til now, Hannah’s been a super asset to The Burlesque Experience details and other stuff, just because she loves it so. So we hired her! It’s official. You’ll be hearing from Hannah Geiser and seeing her magic and influence finger-printed all over the growth of my business.

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Hannah rocks!

Welcome, Hannah! You have no idea how excited I am to have you, and the depth of what it means to me, to take this step. It’s a big YES to the Universe, and I’m ready to see what happens next!

Ideas are spinning, things are gestating, growth is happening, acorns sprouting, sprouts growing into trees… I would be lying if I said I knew where all this is going. I have big dreams. But before they can come into physical existence, I’ve got to do some more shifting and sitting, and receptive surrendering.

I invite you to join me, and think of ways you can bring some stillness and slowing down into your life. Can you clear some space, in the middle of all the insanity of life? Can you create some stillness somewhere, so that you can be open and receptive and clear to download the next step?

For us that wrangle with an addiction to busy (most of us!) the struggle is real.

The payoff for creating a period receptive surrender, my friend, is nothing short of priceless. And miraculous.

I can’t promise you what’s next. I can’t commit to writing weekly blogs right now. Or consistently posting on the Facebook page. Or getting a weekly Quickie in your inbox every Thursday or Monday or Tuesday at nine. I’m letting myself off the hook on those things for now.

If you can be in this space with me, of moving gently, of opening to what wants to be born next, of turning an ear toward the voice of desire, and listening deeply, join me.

Listen with the heart, and soul. Something beautiful wants to be born of us.

The next step beckons, and in this moment, we wait. Receptively surrendered.

In Honor of the Stuck Place

Stuck. Blocked. Creatively constipated… That’s what I’m feeling today. Perusing old blogs for new inspiration, I came across this one, first posted almost one year to this day, on November 14th. In fact, I think I wrote it on November 12th of last year! Interesting! Is mid-November a generally stuck time for me? Or is this just a curious coincidence? I’m not sure. Either way, I’m honoring the stuck place today by letting myself off the hook of having to write something brand new, and will re-share this blog from one year ago, trusting that it will meet you where you’re at, as well.  When Inspiration returns, I’ll be waiting for her with open arms. In the meantime, let’s honor the Stuck Place together… She’s a treasure, too, though highly under-appreciated. – Lisa Carmen

The Perfection of Stuckness

I am learning to trust stuckness as a vital and necessary stage of evolution.

I didn’t always. In fact, sometimes I still forget to trust my stuckness. You know what I mean by stuckness… That uncomfortable, icky place that feels like nowhere, nothing… Where you can remember what it used to feel like to be connected… To others. To yourself. To spirit. To your purpose. But in the stuckness all you feel is disconnect.

What if you simply allowed the stuckness, for a bit? Instead of resisting it, squirming in it, wishing things were the way they used to be, what if you decided to view the stuckness as a resting place instead of a black hole?

What if you trusted the stuckness as a stage, an essential stage in your life’s grand plan?

What if you simply cut yourself some slack?

Take a look outside… It’s mid-November. The trees are shedding their leaves, releasing their past, standing naked , seemingly barren.

Do you think less of the tree in the winter time, because it’s not producing blooms or leaves?

The tree trusts its fallow stage, for it knows that deep below, where its roots burrow into the earth, there is magic happening.

There is growth and change and evolution that we don’t see… The trees must experience their fallow time, in order to give us spring.

I think many of us are afraid that if we surrender to the stuckness, we’ll get swallowed up, forever fallow, lost in the darkness… We are so terrified of the darkness. We are so resistant to the stuckness.

What if you trusted your fallow time, and simply embraced it as a season? Knowing that seasons always change, and after the winter comes the spring, in all its brilliance, vibrancy, color and celebration.

What if you truly accepted the fact that the stuckness was preparation for the unstuckness, the dark is preparation for the dawn? Winter is preparation for the spring.

And whether you feel it or not, there is magic happening, even in your stuckness.

 

 

 

Sometimes it’s all too much.

I’m stunned. Numb. Details are coming in, through Facebook, yet I can’t find any of the rumors substantiated on reliable news sources. I don’t know what to do with myself. I write because I’m a writer. And because, like I said, I don’t really know what else to do with myself.

What I do know is this. Tonight there was a giant explosion near Waco. It was felt by some of my friends in Ennis. Sixty miles away. The last article I read on CNN.com mentioned over 40 having been treated for injuries.

What I do not know is all of the other stuff. The death toll. The damages. Twelve mile crater? Six miles in every direction? Assisted living center leveled. Apartment complex flattened. Dozens and dozens, dead. Is this true? I can’t find the information. Where are people getting this information? I click, I scroll, I go to the kitchen to eat something.

I’m suddenly needing empty, salty calories. I find some semi-stale cheese puffs. I eat them in frenzy. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I have my little carb buzz and the sharp corners of my mind have slightly softened.

What I’m reading is unfathomable and overwhelming. And now my Kim Kardashian post this morning seems so stupid and pointless.

It all seems so stupid and pointless.

As the information gets separated from the rumors, as official reports begin to be released, the minutiae and drivel of the day becomes nonsense. Just meaningless, utter nonsense. Empty calories.

Perhaps this is why we numb with Kim Kardashian and cheese puffs. Because sometimes it’s all too much.

When the Boston Marathon bombings occurred two days ago, my Facebook feed became a frenzied scroll of disturbing images, cries, blood, fire, accusations, anger.

Sometimes the same image being shared by many of my friends meant that I had to look at it over and over, even though I hadn’t “chosen” to see it by clicking on the news. If I wanted to see these things, I thought, I’d be on CNN.com.  I had to log off. Get away from it. It was all too much.

I’ve read so many more despairing, depressing posts these last two days, seen so many disturbing images, my veneer is fading. I am worn. I am sad.

I’m not quite sure what I will do tomorrow. Maybe I will stay off of Facebook.  I would like to give blood. I will help however I can. But what I won’t do is share pictures of bloody, crying people. Sharing and re-sharing grisly pictures does not help. Does not even inform.

Brene Brown said “Information reduces anxiety but media saturation increases trauma and fear. Helping can heal.”

I still don’t know the details of tonight’s tragic event. But I’ve already seen pictures. Without even meaning to.

It’s a strange, dark day we live in. It’s also a bright and beautiful one. There is good, so much good. Never before have I understood the concept of paradox as I do lately. It’s crazy-effed up. And crazy-beautiful.

But tonight, I worry. I light a candle. I say a prayer. I try to sleep.

And tomorrow, we will go to work, we will drink our coffee. We will make our weekend plans. We will move our unexpressed trauma and grief to the side and we will go on living.

Because what choice do we have?  We feel. We deal. We heal. Sometimes faster than we really want to. Because there is work to be done, life to be lived, Kim Kardashian weight gain stories to consume.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here… All I know is that sometimes this being human thing, it’s all just too much.

Everything is an Invitation

Some days are louder than others. Some days are a cacophony of distractions, voices, chatter, noise. The feeling of being pulled in too many directions is one of my least favorite feelings.

Yet, if everything is an invitation, which I believe it is, then this feeling… even this low-grade anxiety, this uneasiness and spread-too-thin feeling that comes over me at times is an invitation.

The cool part is, I get to decide what the invitation is for. I simply have to check in, go within, to discover what it is. Might be an invitation…

– to get quiet
– to take a break
– to take a walk
– to take a nap
– to get centered
– to choose wisely
– to lead bravely
– to pray
– to play
– to take myself less seriously
– to take something off my plate
– to have that conversation I’ve been avoiding
– to dance
– to sing
– to take a hot shower
– to drop into my body
– to remember that I even have a body
– to forgive
– to notice
– to release
– to write
– to breathe

Funny, it seems all moments, like this one, and otherwise, are invitations to breathe. Breathing is always the invitation. And in this moment, I accept.

What if, right now, my only invitation is to breathe? I breathe into the simplicity of this invitation. And chuckle at the irony. Do I have any other choice? Can I go deeper into my breath, to feel it, really feel it, coursing through my body? Can I exhale more fully? Can I inhale so deep it reaches my toes?

If everything is an invitation, what are you being invited into, in this moment?

This moment is an invitation. Open it, read it. Respond.

Back to Bliss, and some big announcements…

Oooooh yeah… I write this from the strangest place, something has shifted, I feel odd… Lightheaded, ecstatic, warm, tingly, sensitive, opened… Can’t really explain it except for the fact that I am certain it has to do with the cosmic and planetary shift we are moving into. (And my openness to experience such!)

As I write, it is 12.12.12… A magical day for us all, as we move through this portal into peace and love, where everything is different. Are you ready?

You may be noticing, like me, a surge in energy, productivity, creation. You may also be experiencing intense emotions, maybe even loss. Last night, our family dog Roxy, passed away suddenly. I was able to pet her warm sweet body, kiss her and send her love into next realm. It was intense, awful, yet peaceful and full of loving energy. Today I ride waves of sadness and grief, which suddenly shift into waves of glee and bliss… I can’t explain it any other way except I feel altered. Altered state of consciousness.

I’m also experiencing a “relapse” in my hip and spine, the sciatica and piriformis pain which I had thought was under control. I am there again, the intensity of the pain at times bringing me to tears. Waves of anger, frustration, and then, from out of nowhere, waves of love and acceptance. Trust and surrender. Back to bliss.

Wow… I am riding these powerful waves. Curious. Intrigued. Captivated. Surrendered. In love.

Back to bliss. Back to bliss. Whatever comes at us, we return back to bliss. We can. We will. We are! It’s our birthright!

Big things ahead! For us all.

I’m so excited to announce that I published my first book yesterday. Truth or Dare Living: Wild Adventures for Your Sacred, Sexy Soul. Please buy a copy and join me for the adventure! It’s not just a book you read, it’s a book you DO! C’mon, I dare ya!

Lastly, but not leastly! I couldn’t be more thrilled to be launching a brand new membership program with the my amazing soul sister, Megan Monique, called Prosperity Playground. If you’re ready for big shifts around finances in 2013, like we are, jump aboard and join us on this trip! Oh yeah, baby!

There are amazing, incredible, great big things awaiting you and me in 2013. Can you feel it? Let’s do this.

P.S. I invite you to consider gifting the women you love with SacredSexyU gifts! I’ve got some ideas you might enjoy

 

photo by Dee Hill