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YOU are the point. Throw out those raggedy panties.

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Frumpiness…

It happens to all of us. One of the first things I tell students when they come to my Unleash Your Inner Bombshell workshop is that none of us feels like a bombshell all the time. Even Marilyn Monroe, the bombshell of bombshells knew her “bombshell self” (Marilyn) was something she (Norma Jean) could turn on and off; it came and went. This is real life, after all.

In fact, it’s safer to say, as a work-from-home entrepreneur who spends most of her time sans makeup, in yoga pants, it’s more common that I feel… comfortable.

And when comfortable, it’s quite easy for me to fall into frumpiness. And it’s a strange coincidence, when I’m feeling frumpy, I’m also likely to be feeling funky.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Yes, self-esteem is an inside job. No, your appearance does not determine your worth.

I work hard on cultivating my inner world… But I will make no apologies for being a sensual, feminine woman, who enjoys lipstick, lingerie, and smelling pretty.

We cannot deny there is a direct and strong connection here: When we take the time to take care of our outer appearance, we feel better on the inside. Yet, when we get comfortable, we can get lazy, and when we get lazy, we succumb to the frumps.

These are the most common excuses women give me for letting their physical care go, and quitting on themselves, when it comes to the care, adornment and decorating of their temples…

  1. I don’t have the money. To that I say: Phooey! I just bought a 93 cent lipstick, “Retro Red” fact, and put it on in the parking lot, while running errands. And just like that, I felt more alive, more magnetic… more me. That’s me in my Retro Red up there in that picture, check it. It’s the only makeup I’m wearing and it had an instant effect on me.
  2. I’m too old. You are never too old to enjoy being a woman.
  3. I’m too busy. It takes ten seconds to apply lipstick. It takes ten seconds to put on a lacy pair or pretty panties. Next!
  4. No one (but the kids… the pets… the walls…) will see, so why bother? YOU will see. You will know. But mostly, you will feel.

I tell you these things because I love you. And because I get it.

I’d been feeling so unattractive lately. And guess what? I haven’t been bothering with makeup. With pretty undergarments. With keeping up with my grey roots. You should SEE the raggedy old strapless bra I’d been wearing because I hadn’t made the effort to find new ones. (Why is finding strapless bras that fit well so daunting?)

I get lazy. I forget how good it feels to feel sexy, just for me. Not for sexy-time, not for the world, not for my partner. Just for me.

So today, I treated myself to some lovely new panties, nothing crazy expensive, just enough to give me a little thrill. I’m wearing the yellow lace ones now. They make me happy and feel like a wearing a secret smile. I put on some lipstick. I’m about to go dye these crazy roots. I finally threw out the raggedy strapless bra! I’m doing little things to feel better, because how I look on the outside DOES affect the inside. And vice versa of course.

I’m in charge! I no longer hand over responsibility for how I feel about myself to others. But that… comes with responsibility.

I’m worth it. So are you.

Married or single, sexually active or not, young, old or somewhere in between, you are worth the effort. You deserve to feel good. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t have to take up too much of your time. It doesn’t have to be extravagant.

Do what makes you feel good.

Here are four things you can do today to immediately feel lovelier:

  • Go through your undergarment drawer and clear out the raggedy panties! Let them go! Sure save a couple of the ratty “granny” panties for that time of the month, if you must… but lose the other nasty old things! I just did.
  • Treat yourself to a 99 cent makeover. Buy yourself a fun, bright, bold cheap lipstick and put it on, right now, I don’t care what you’re doing. To really be adventurous, go outside your normal range of shades… For example, if you say “I never wear pinks,” buy a pink! Wet & Wild is a fun and super cheap way to play with new colors. See if that doesn’t immediately shift things for ya a little. If you have more to spend, spend more! The point is, treat yourself.
  • Put on some sexy music and use it as your background noise while working, cooking, being… and if you’re feeling really adventurous… dance around to it.
  • Do something sensual with your glorious body. Take a skinny dip tonight. Moon bathe naked. Rub yourself with luscious body butter, from your neck to the soles of your feet. Or just rub yourself. Be in your body. Enjoy it.

Experiment. Take a chance. Play. Enjoy the flesh and texture and shape of your body, as it is right now, and the senses you have been gifted with. Revel in the soft, sexy, fleshliness that carries your gorgeous soul around day after day, likely with very little thanks…

What’s the point?

YOU are the point.

 

 

Reposted; originally posted July 2014

Birthdays, pine cones, pennies and gratitude. Big gratitude.

 

It’s an exciting time for SacredSexyU, and for me.

I count this time, the beginning of May, as the birthday of my business.

Three years ago, a casual acquaintance had contacted me out of the blue, and said she wanted to hire me to help her find her sexy. She wanted to move with more confidence and tap into her potential for more spice and sizzle in her life. I eagerly obliged, honored and intrigued by the opportunity. After all, the timing was perfect (As it always is. That’s how it works.) My wheels had already been spinning, feeling pregnant with a desire to “bottle and sell” who I was, to brand what it was I loved to do.

“Hell yeah!” I typed in my response to her. “As a matter of fact, I am currently developing a program, SacredSexyU…” The name just sprang from my fingers, without thought.  And suddenly, I WAS developing a program. The next incarnation of my life’s work was born. With this amazing and beautiful client as my “guinea pig.” And the rest, as they say, is history…

Fast forward three years, countless workshops, incredibly brave and beautiful clients, numerous retreats, mixers, classes, hundreds of blogs, a book, an offshoot business called The Burlesque Experience, and most importantly… SO MANY AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, SACRED, SEXY PEOPLE in my life, who have been drawn to this work, drawn to what I offer, what I reveal to them, that was theirs from the very beginning.

My life is a dream.

When I was a little girl, I was constantly starting businesses. Some of them were pretty damned inventive and kind of funny, like the custom-written poetry business when I was twelve. You want a poem for your mom that you can tell her you wrote? Okay, tell me about her. What’s her favorite color?

Another was my pine cone business. I would collect fallen pine cones from lawns around my neighborhood, bag them and then go door to door selling them.  Some people would oblige me because I was eight and adorable. Others found me annoying. One woman said “Pine cones? What am I gonna do with pine cones?” And one man said “I have those all over my lawn! What do I need to pay for them for?” And then he looked at me, amused perhaps by my aplomb. “Well, alright, gimme a couple.”

I love this memory, because it reminds me of the now. Because I’m still in the business of selling pine cones. I realized this recently...

I make my living packaging and offering what is already yours.  I don’t give anything to anyone that isn’t already inside of them… already ‘on their lawns.’

When I work with a client, whether in a group situation like the Burlesque Experience or privately in one-on-one coaching, I know that I am blessed with the gift to see their innate brilliance and power, their next highest version, already residing within them, preparing to be birthed. I see their magnificence. And I help them to discover it, unfold it and unleash it upon the world.

What greater gift could I possibly have been given than the honor of supporting this process, and to make a living doing it? To be a witness of unfolding greatness, time and time again… healing, discovery, releasing, rising, emerging, inventing, risking, connecting, truthing, daring, busting out, bearing all, beauty… So. Much. Beauty. Lucky me.

Lucky, lucky me.

Today I found a penny in the laundry room at my apartment complex. There are a few superstitions I playfully adhere to. One of them is picking up a penny for good luck. It was new, bright and shiny. I held it for a moment, then put it back down. I’m already so lucky. Maybe someone else needs the luck more than I do.

What do the next three years hold? I have no idea. I know there are new “incarnations”… new expressions for my business and what I offer, gestating inside me. I know that beautiful things are getting ready to be born.  I am a vessel. I trust. I wait. I explore possibilities. I flirt with ideas. I pray.

Who knows what the future will bring us?! Right now, I’m just overflowing with love and gratitude for what the last three years have given me. What you have given me.

Thank you. Yes, you. For being a part of this dream life. For being the U in SacredSexyU.

Happy birthday, to us.

 

p.s. In the DFW area? Join me Saturday night for a sacred, sexy celebration Birthday Gratitude Bash on the rooftop of the NYLO Hotel. Info here.

Sometimes it’s all too much.

I’m stunned. Numb. Details are coming in, through Facebook, yet I can’t find any of the rumors substantiated on reliable news sources. I don’t know what to do with myself. I write because I’m a writer. And because, like I said, I don’t really know what else to do with myself.

What I do know is this. Tonight there was a giant explosion near Waco. It was felt by some of my friends in Ennis. Sixty miles away. The last article I read on CNN.com mentioned over 40 having been treated for injuries.

What I do not know is all of the other stuff. The death toll. The damages. Twelve mile crater? Six miles in every direction? Assisted living center leveled. Apartment complex flattened. Dozens and dozens, dead. Is this true? I can’t find the information. Where are people getting this information? I click, I scroll, I go to the kitchen to eat something.

I’m suddenly needing empty, salty calories. I find some semi-stale cheese puffs. I eat them in frenzy. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I have my little carb buzz and the sharp corners of my mind have slightly softened.

What I’m reading is unfathomable and overwhelming. And now my Kim Kardashian post this morning seems so stupid and pointless.

It all seems so stupid and pointless.

As the information gets separated from the rumors, as official reports begin to be released, the minutiae and drivel of the day becomes nonsense. Just meaningless, utter nonsense. Empty calories.

Perhaps this is why we numb with Kim Kardashian and cheese puffs. Because sometimes it’s all too much.

When the Boston Marathon bombings occurred two days ago, my Facebook feed became a frenzied scroll of disturbing images, cries, blood, fire, accusations, anger.

Sometimes the same image being shared by many of my friends meant that I had to look at it over and over, even though I hadn’t “chosen” to see it by clicking on the news. If I wanted to see these things, I thought, I’d be on CNN.com.  I had to log off. Get away from it. It was all too much.

I’ve read so many more despairing, depressing posts these last two days, seen so many disturbing images, my veneer is fading. I am worn. I am sad.

I’m not quite sure what I will do tomorrow. Maybe I will stay off of Facebook.  I would like to give blood. I will help however I can. But what I won’t do is share pictures of bloody, crying people. Sharing and re-sharing grisly pictures does not help. Does not even inform.

Brene Brown said “Information reduces anxiety but media saturation increases trauma and fear. Helping can heal.”

I still don’t know the details of tonight’s tragic event. But I’ve already seen pictures. Without even meaning to.

It’s a strange, dark day we live in. It’s also a bright and beautiful one. There is good, so much good. Never before have I understood the concept of paradox as I do lately. It’s crazy-effed up. And crazy-beautiful.

But tonight, I worry. I light a candle. I say a prayer. I try to sleep.

And tomorrow, we will go to work, we will drink our coffee. We will make our weekend plans. We will move our unexpressed trauma and grief to the side and we will go on living.

Because what choice do we have?  We feel. We deal. We heal. Sometimes faster than we really want to. Because there is work to be done, life to be lived, Kim Kardashian weight gain stories to consume.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here… All I know is that sometimes this being human thing, it’s all just too much.