change, courage, dare, freedom, fresh starts, grace, growth

Ditch that Lousy Dance Partner


Is there something you’ve been struggling with, something you can’t seem to get ‘on top of’, in spite of the rules and goals and intentions and restrictions and rewards and all the things you’ve been trying?

It could be anything from unhealthy eating habits, to too much maryjane to happy hours that put too much of a dent in your wallet to hanging out with people that don’t honor and respect you.

It could be excessive shopping, excessive wine, promiscuity that leaves you feeling empty, excessive work, excessive procrastination, excessive Netflix, excessive niceness.

Is there an area in your life you trying to will-power your way to healing? Are you trying to white-knuckle your way through managing a bad habit? Force-feeding your soul with rules and restrictions and regulations for how you will live, how you will get a grip on this one thing?

How’s that working?

Exhausted yet?

I get it.

I’d struggled for a long time with not feeling good about the ways and increasing frequency I was turning to alcohol to feel good, to abandon a crappy mood, or feel “in the mood”, to socialize, to connect, to “get through life.”

I hated that I smoked cigarettes. I was embarrassed and ashamed more often than I care to admit.

I didn’t like the way I was feeling about myself. I didn’t like the way I kept breaking promises to myself. I was tired of feeling like crap for an entire day or two after tearing it up on a Friday night.

I was exhausted. It wasn’t working any more.

It’s like I had an inconsistent lover who made me feel great sometimes, who said and did all the right things, then we’d go to bed and the next day, he’d turn on me. It was no longer good.

The pain was just not worth the pleasure.

It takes a LOT of energy to dance with a crappy dance partner. Yet I kept trying to dance.

I kept trying to tango, and my dance partner wanted to slam dance.

Finally, I came to the realization that it wasn’t the dance that wasn’t working. It was the partner. For me to be truly free, I needed to sever the relationship.

And so I did.

On the first day of a brand new year, I quit smoking and said goodbye to spirits of the chemical kind and became a brand new me.

Yes, me. The eternal party girl. Lord knows, I’ve had one very long party.

That party is finally over, for me. No more screwing around. I left the dance floor. I found that my strength would not ever be coming through managing or restricting or limiting. That works for many. It wasn’t working for me.

My strength would come from ending the dance, once and for all.

Guess what? No more broken promises to myself. No more feeling bad about myself. No more energy wasted on trying to manage an unruly dance partner.

So now there is a new party, and it’s one of feeling good, feeling strong, being healthy, hangover-free weekends, lots of money saved, weight lost, new energy, new passion, better skin. Better relationships.

Better everything.

Are you trying to limit something with rules and restrictions, when really, you should just stop altogether?

Trying to dance with a lousy dance partner?

What if you just left the dance?

You can keep struggling, you can keep fighting, or you can walk away from the fight.

I’m not saying abstinence is for everyone. Of course not!

I CAN say it’s working very well for me.

I have been working on myself for my entire adult life. Always healing, dealing, feeling, revealing, and now I am doing so in braver, bolder ways.

This is the most important work on myself I have ever done.

Is there something in your life that makes a lousy dance partner, but you keep trying to dance with?

What if you stopped trying and simply decided you were done.

No more trying, what if you just walked  away from what is not working? Stopped. Let it go.

What if you stopped going to bed with this lousy lover, with a lover that doesn’t love you back?

What if you stopped trying to make something work that is clearly broken?

You need all your energy and life force for other things, like doing your work in the world, like living an ecstatic, joyful life, like loving and creating, and connecting and living in the light, so bright, it’s almost blinding.

Bring your sunglasses.

Step out of the shadows. Step into the light. Claim your freedom. You can be free.

The bright, radiant, glowing light of who you can be when you finally decide once and for all to stop playing small, to stop giving your power away, to stop shrinking yourself down and sabotaging your own well-being in order to “get through life.”

No more “getting through life.”

It’s time for a new dance partner.

Life is the best dance partner of all, has all the grace, all the excitement, all the best moves, all the passion. All the finesse. All the everything you’ve ever longed for. All you’ve ever dreamed of.

I promise.

You can do this.

When the time is right, you will know. When you’re ready, you will know.

Care to tango?



p.s. Sometimes we need some support to ditch our lousy dance partners. Going it alone is possible, but hey, let’s face it, it’s tougher. We belong to each other. Support is available. I’ve got mine. Get you yours.

p.p.s I posted a new video blog for you where I talk more about the changes I’ve made. You’re invited to make your own changes, on behalf of your best life ever.

Leave a Reply


Browse Around