choice, growth, happiness, self-love, thoughts

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Miserable

jayne

We’ve been chatting about the blocks that get between us and our sexiest, most joyfully radiant, sensual and empowered lives. I’ve pulled together seven of what I think are the greatest, most toxic threats, and we’ve talked about the first two, old programming and self-talk.

Today’s is a two-fer really, because these two love to tango…

Judgment and comparison.

How many times a day do you find yourself judging yourself and/or others, and comparing yourself to others, or even comparing yourself to former versions of yourself?

If you’re like most women, this is a pretty regular thought process, and it slams right up against your radiance, shuts it down, smothers it, snuffs it.

It is impossible to be your most radiant, joyous, sexy self while simultaneously judging or comparing.

Just like negative self-talk and old programming, I don’t know if a life completely and entirely free of judging or comparing is even possible, for these are very human traits, and we are very human creatures. In fact, I’m quite skeptical of anyone who ever says to me “Oh, I’m not judging you…” because I know at that very moment, most likely, they are judging me, or they wouldn’t feel the need to say that, and you know what? We all do it.

There are times when our judgment and discernment skills are very valuable, but I’m not talking about those times. I’m talking about the sexy-stifling, joy-stealing ways it blocks our power, radiance and happiness.

Here are some common examples of how we judge and compare and block our happiness and power in our day-to-day lives…

  • Gorgeous model-type knockout walks into the elevator. Our confidence level instantly plummets, we sink into ourselves, feeling fat and dorky.

  • In yoga class, “everyone” seems so flexible and skilled, while we plop around feeling like a clumsy elk.

  • Thinking “I can’t believe I’m still missing him. It’s been three months and he’s clearly moved on. I’m so pathetic.”

  • Saying “That dress looks so much better on you than it EVER did on me. I should have given it to you a long time ago.”

  • Being passed over for a promotion, and deciding to permanently hate the “bitch” that got it.

  • Or the big DOUBLE-kicker, thinking “There I go, judging and comparing! Sheesh, what a jerk. I wish I was a better person, like so-and-so, she never judges.” Yep, judging and comparing yourself about judging and comparing! What brilliant mind-games we are capable of!

The secret to getting a grip on judging and comparing is the same secret as transforming negative self-talk and old programming, that we’ve already covered.

“Controlling” your thoughts is futile.

What we resist persists.

Trying to NOT think something is mind-acrobatics that most of us are incapable of doing.

We’ve all heard some form of this example… right now, try NOT to think of a pink elephant. Don’t do it! No pink elephant thoughts! Hmmm. how’d that work?

If you want to experience a life with less judging and comparing, you must become diligent about the way you respond to these thoughts and words.

What I know is that it is managing our response to judging and comparing will make a huge difference in how we experience the world and how the world experiences us.

Start first by simply noticing where and when you are judging and complaining. I often suggest to my clients that they first just practice noticing, for the first couple days or weeks or whatever. Without judging. Without condemning. Without correcting. Just observing…

There I am, judging. Ooh, just did it, comparing again.

Then, once that’s become easier, you become the boss. You are no longer mindlessly victim to every thought and word that floats across your mind or out of your mouth. Now you can choose your response.

For example…

  • Gorgeous model-type knockout walks into the elevator. Our confidence level instantly plummets, we sink into ourselves, feeling fat and dorky.
    MINDFUL RESPONSE: She looks beautiful. I admire her confidence. Maybe she is showing up to inspire me to practice increasing my confidence today.

  • Thinking “I can’t believe I’m still missing him. It’s been three months and he’s clearly moved on. I’m so pathetic.”
    MINDFUL RESPONSE: Be nice! You’re still grieving, and you’re not just grieving the loss of him in your life, you’re grieving the end of a dream, and that can hurt even more. Be gentle. Take all the time you need. I’m feeling tender today. How can I be sweet to myself?

Get it?

Every judging, comparing thought is an invitation to practice self-kindness and compassion.

Every trigger is an opportunity to heal, to grow and evolve.

And when we become experts at self-kindness and compassion, OOOOOH I’ll tell you what…. talk about becoming sexy and vibrant and radiant and powerful!

Not that I’ve totally aced these practices myself, but I’ve gotten much better. I get glimpses, and what a wonderful feeling, to be a woman who loves herself so well that she is compassionate and kind, aware and attentive, more than she used to be.

Give it a try, see what happens. I’d love to hear your stories!

Next week, the fourth block…. eww….

Shame.

One of our least favorite feelings, but definitely one of the most destructive and toxic. See you then!

Leave a Reply

 

Browse Around