adventure, alignment, announcement, burlesque, choice, fresh starts

Life is Smarter Than Me.

12368988_10153396512383473_3584647267137377978_nWelp. I had some plans, see, to hand over directorship of The Burlesque Experience so that I could be free, see… free to frolic, free to create new things, free to see what other adventures life had in store.

As it turns out, the adventure life had in store for me was not what I expected. It rarely is, really. We’ve all heard the John Lennon line “Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans…”

Let me rewind a little. After five years, 20 consecutive seasons and bringing over 200 women to stage, to say I was tired was an understatement. Frankly, I was burned out. I was fried. I was tapped out, empty. Even the fumes that I’d been running on were gone.

I hired a new director, with lots of fanfare and celebration, we began our training in between seasons, delegating, discussing details, all the while, I was making major life changes and committing to self-care, wellness, vitality.

I was getting my mojo back.

The new director also had some major life changes over those months. She accepted an awesome full-time job that kind of fell from the sky, that she loves passionately. With two babies, a full-time job, and after hours, a busy freelance business, designing, coaching and doing burlesque, she is one busy babe. My gut kept saying this was not the right move.

I struggled with apprehension… I hate going backwards. It brings with it some of my least favorite feelings like regret, embarrassment, sheepishness. Will people understand? I mean, I even gave a ‘good-bye’ speech in front of a couple hundred people. Do I really want to direct this again? Can I love and care for this baby the way it deserves?

But the train was moving, and I had wanted to be free, remember? And I had made that speech…

Then, this week, as Life would have it, as a series of minor events, conversations, feelings, and a hell of a lot of thinking snowballed, I knew what had to happen.

I mustered all of my superhero powers to stop a moving train.

One day before the new semester was to begin.

UGH! Can I really do this? Yes, Life answered me. Yes. You got this.

It knew 100% it was the right thing to do.

She and I talked, and it just makes good sense, all around. I continue to support her in her pursuits and endeavors and am happy that she will still be an important part of the B.E. program and community.

And here’s the most surprising part: I have fallen in love with the Burlesque Experience all over again.

It’s clear to me now that what I needed last year the most was a break. A real break.

Surrender. Stillness. Silence.

I needed to focus on me, on healing, on self-care, on making some drastic lifestyle changes. (I’ll tell you more about those in another blog.) I needed to realign with my purpose, my passion, my path.

And I have.

I’m excited, I’m charged, I’m taking impeccable care of myself, I’m grounded and focused and committed and holy cow, I’m thrilled about this group of women that will be BUSTING OUT on February 26th.

Someday, I still would like to transition away to allow other leaders to step in to the Dallas operations, so I can focus on growing and expansion into other cities through licensing. I have books to write. I have programs to create. I have things to do!

For now though, one of my primary priorities is directing my baby, The Burlesque Experience.

I’m not just “okay” with that. I’m stoked.

Sometimes, we think we know our paths. We think we have it all figured out, that we know what’s next. And then life says “Hey, I have a better idea. How about going THIS way?”

I’ve said it before and I firmly believe that Life is smarter than I am. Smarter than we are. Sometimes, we just have to throw up our hands and say “Life, I trust you.”

Life, I trust you.

 

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Photo by Dee Hill, HAMU by Vivienne Vermuth

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