allowing, receiving, relationship, risk, vulnerability

Lower the Drawbridge, C’Mon!

Helping-Others“The refusal to ask for help is a kind of sickness in itself. The refusal to ask for help is not rugged individualism but ragged individualism and it is a function of fear.

Not that there’s nothing to fear. Asking for help is a formidable art and requires that we lower the drawbridge.”

– Gregg Levoy, “Callings”

My name is Lisa and I’m a recovering Tough Girl.

Yes, it’s true.

My stubborn refusal to request or receive support has been played out in varying degrees of the pathetic, comedic or ridiculous.

Some of my “Tough Girl” gestures have included (but are not limited to)

  • Ignoring the guide words in the top corners of pages in the dictionary, because I could find the words myself, thank you very much.
  • Lying thirsty in a bed because I didn’t want to seem ‘needy’ by asking for water. After surgery.
  • Refusing to read directions on Rice a Roni, and ruining dinner, because “Directions? I don’t need no stinkin’ directions!”
  • And of course, who can forget the agonizing dark days when I have stared at the phone, deep in my despair, crying, feeling broken, longing to reach out to a friend, but immobilized. By what? Fear of rejection? Fear of appearing “weak”? Fear of being needy? Fear of vulnerability? Yep.

It’s taken a lot of inner work, some great therapy, lots of journaling, some incredible epiphanies, and some brave experimenting but yes, I am learning how to ask for support. I am learning how to risk feeling vulnerable. I am learning how to dance with danger by requesting help and receiving it, too. Ooooh! Crazy, huh?

All that tough girl stuff got boring… so now I choose to experiment in the Love Lab of risk, vulnerability and intimacy. So far, so good.

I am learning that the payoff is worth the risk: deeper intimacy, miracles and fierce support from a loving Universe and its humans that are ready and willing to show up for me (when I lower the drawbridge and invite them to show up for me. Wow, imagine!)

Yes, I’m still a Tough Girl when I need to be. And sometimes, when I don’t. But those guide words in the dictionary? They sure come in handy.

How easy or difficult is it for you to ask for help? When have you needed support but have held back in requesting it? What holds you back?

I dare you to ask someone for help. Turn to a friend, a relative, someone you’re drawn to but haven’t crossed that line with yet, and ask for help, advice, company, support. Put yourself out there. Take that risk. It’s exciting and dangerous, and I am betting you will be supported in your request.

new front cover TODLExcerpted from my book, Truth or Dare Living: Wild Adventures for Your Sacred, Sexy Soul. Now through the holidays, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite chapters from the book, available on, while I revive and reignite my creative fire with some much needed rest. Enjoy!

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