My Big, Bad, Beautiful Year

artist unknown
artist unknown

It’s that time of year. Time to start processing 2015, the things we’ve learned, the ways we’ve changed, what we’ll be taking with us into 2016. What we’d like to leave behind.

I know so many of you have had such important, monumental shifts and smaller but equally important twists and turns this year. Some twists and turns happy, some not so much. Some shifts have been your choice, some have been chosen for you.

For me, 2015 has been a big one. On the surface, you might not notice. I still live in the same place, drive the same car. I still have the same bangs, and the same fiance’. But peek inside, it’s been a big, bad,beautiful year for me…

2015 has been a year of “adulting.” And you know what? Adulting gets a bad rap. Adulting is rewarding. Adulting feels good. Taking care of business creates confidence and self-trust and when I trust myself, wow, it feels really good.

2015 has been a year of puppy love. Never thought I’d be a dog owner, but then Tuco happened to me. Those that know me well know that I always considered myself to be “not-an-animal-person.”  I’m not gonna lie- having my daughter move to Colorado for a few months created a bit of an empty nest feeling…  and this little mutt showed up and has quickly found his place in my heart. It’s not always easy, being a puppy-parent. In fact, sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, but I love this boy, and I sure am enjoying the endorphins and serotonin that he brings with his cuddles. I discovered a hidden chamber of love within my heart.

2105 has been a year of getting clear(er). There will always be mysteries. I will always be figuring it out. But I have made some important strides around how I spend my time and energy, how I will create boundaries, how I will respond to conflict and handle drama. I’m clearer on what I allow in. What I want my life to feel like. To look like.  And I’ve made some necessary shifts to get it there.

2015 has been the year I’ve made some bold changes around my health.  I’m not where I want to be, but I’m on my way. Habits are forming. Wheat is out of my diet. (I did cheat a little bit Thanksgiving weekend. It wasn’t as sexy a reunion as I imagined it would be) Started on Plexus this week also. I’ll keep you posted on that. I’m feeling better. I’m listening to my body more.

2015 has been a year of business growth and changes. For the first time ever, I committed to business coaches to support me in my business transitions and growth, and I have changed the way I do business in so many ways now.

2015 has been a year of letting go. I moved my only daughter to Colorado (she’s back for a while) which is its own unique combo of heartbreak and joy. As I transition directorship of the Burlesque Experience, I’m not going to say it has been all easy.  I struggle with some of the underlying fears and questions any time letting go has to happen. Who am I without this? What if this is the wrong thing? What am I thinking? Ego-based concerns of scarcity and lack arise. I work through them. I trust this process. I trust myself.

2015 has been a year of deep transformation and personal growth. Just flipping through my journal shows me so. I am changing. I am evolving. As I bring forth my own evolution, it happens at its own pace, at its own rate. The Universe reaches in to intervene in dramatic and/or subtle ways when I need it. And what I continue to learn is that change cannot be forced. Lord knows I’ve tried. I can set up plans, support systems, accountability and whatnot to help me along, but ultimately, change happens when its ready to happen. Sometimes quickly, sometimes not so quickly. And it’s all good.

2015 has been a year of getting my shit together. Yup. That pretty much sums it up. I still have more to get together, and chances are, I always will.

But in this moment, I am proud of who I am, imperfect, in-process, open-hearted, brave, vulnerable, flawed, present, and thrilled about the future. I trust myself. I love myself. And I love my messy, beautiful, sacred, sexy life.

2016 will be a huge year. We’ll be buying a house this year, my business will continue growing and shifting. I am committed to working hard on a book or two. There are ideas I haven’t even had yet that will become reality! That’s cool to think about. Who knows, I might even get married…

I’m so happy you’re on this journey with me.

What about you? What have you learned this year? How have you grown? What are you thanking 2015 for? And what do you want in 2016?  That’s the big question. Don’t let this year get away without evaluating, reviewing, and deciding what you want this year to mean in your life, as you kiss it good-bye.

May you cull from 2015 its gifts, lessons and unexpected blessings and may 2016 shine with potential. Yours for the taking. Let’s do this.


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