Show me the most beautiful, powerful, successful, actualized, amazing woman in the world, and I’ll show you a woman who sometimes struggles with insecurities.
We all face the darker side of our own feelings about ourselves from time to time, no matter who we are or how hard we have worked on ourselves, how spiritual or “enlightened” we are, how much we have healed, how far we have come… it happens.
And though some of us are better at hiding it from the world than others, none of us are exempt.
Sometimes I struggle to love myself completely.
There. I said it.
Sometimes my inner mean girls, inner gremlins, inner demons, whatever you want to call the voices, those voices, whisper and chant the meanest things to me.
Does my sharing this with you make you think less of me as a woman, a coach, a teacher?
Did you think I had it all together, and that “all together” included never thinking one negative, mean thought about myself, never critiquing myself, never “ugh-ing” myself in the mirror, never ever calling myself a name?
I’m sorry to disappoint you, if that is the case.
Because I stand for radical self-love doesn’t mean I’ve perfected it. Because I believe in self-acceptance doesn’t mean this comes completely effortlessly for me. It’s my journey. I’m still in it.
If you’ve attended any of my workshops over the years, you know that one of the first things I share, after I point to the bathrooms and ask you to turn off your cell phone is that I am not immune or completely healed of the negative self-talk and self-loathing judgment that plagues women of our western society.
My journey has been arduous and painstakingly bumpy, and very real, and never-ending and yes, I’m still in it. I’m still journeying. But, I say.
But. But on this journey, as I tired of the pain, I have learned many amazing and powerful tools and practices for quieting the critical voices, for cultivating self-love, for remembering who I am, for practicing self-kindess and compassion, for healing the relationship between my body and my mind, and when I practice them, my relationship to myself shifts, it heals.
They work if I work them.
And so of course, I am obligated to share them. We learn, we teach. Some of us are wired this way. Whether we like it or not.
Why am I telling you this?
Perhaps to come clean.
Perhaps because recently, when I told her that I was having a bad day and struggling with self-esteem issues, still another friend looked at me incredulously, jaw dropped, surprised… maybe even disappointed… “You?” Yes, me.
But my commitment to expand my capacity for self-love and self-acceptance has been recharged. My relationships depend on it. My business depends on it. My life depends on it.
These days, on a bad day, I can remember to turn to myself with compassion, and sometimes I even remember to practice the tools that I teach.
I am not immune to insecurities. But I am not going to lay down and surrender to them, either.
I am devoted to mastering profound self-love and acceptance, and if it takes me the rest of my life to master, so be it.
Perhaps that’s the whole point of living.
I’m in. I’m registered. I’m signed up. I’m enrolled.
I’m no longer enrolled in “Self-Love 101”, but I haven’t earned my Doctorate in Loving Oneself Completely yet, either.
I am a work in progress. I hope you’re okay with that.