emotions, freedom, healing

The Holiness of Wholeness


Photo by Dee Hill, mirror mosaic and mask by Julia Schoss

We’re all guilty. We’re so quick to sort and classify ourselves and each other, our feelings and experiences into convenient categories:  good or bad, sinner or saint, villain or hero, black and white.

We have our preferences. We think we know. We fancy ourselves as experts of the definitive: Who we are. Who we are not. What we want. What we don’t want. What we are. What we are not.

We do the same with our beliefs, our spirituality, our values and our mistakes and shortcomings. Holiness is over there, on one side, while being flawed, being human is on the other.

I’m taking a different approach these days.  I invite you to consider that the holiness is in our wholeness. Our holiness is not just our “best” parts. Not simply our gifts and light and strength and perfection. Our holiness is in all that AND the rest. We contain all of this greatness and power and magic, AND every possible opposite because we are whole. We are human beings. We are body and soul. We are limitlessness and limits. We are everything.

We have moments that are transcendent, that put us in direct, palpable contact with the divine. I love those moments. Not gonna lie, they’re my favorite, and I’d prefer them over a deep blue funk any day. But can I also call a deep blue funk holiness? I’m learning.

When I remember to, I am developing a soft and open understanding of the holiness of my wholeness. Not just my light. Not just my bliss. Not just those transcendent moments. Wholeness. Totality. All of it.

Am I saying screw it all and just be as awful as you want to be and do whatever damaging, dangerous, destructive, shitty things you feel like doing and call it divine totality? Am I saying that we should call the horrific things that happen to us or others “good” and embrace them with open arms? Of course not.  Moral compasses, values, commitments, love, forgiveness, compassion, consequences and law are necessary systems for personal pride, strength, happiness, not to mention societal success as well.

What I am saying is this. When we put our divinity over there, and our humanity over here, our spirituality over here and our sexuality over there, our courage over here and our fears over there, under canopies of good or bad, when we separate the two, when we classify our components so severely, we do ourselves a injustice.

Want to connect with your holiness? Take your light, take your shadows, take your bliss, take your anger, take your successes, your missteps, your struggles, your raw and honest vulnerability, your broken places, your hidden places, take them all and draw a great big circle around them.

That is holiness.

Your wholeness is holiness. Not just the ‘good parts’. In fact, it’s dangerous to shuffle pieces of ourselves into this elaborate, hungry, filing system of categories and labels and judgments, as by doing so further deepens the chasm between our parts, separating us from our wholeness, and our holiness. We remain fragmented, our lonely, isolated parts starving for wholeness, for integration.

Your body breathes, your soul is the breath. Your body sweats and bleeds and poops and farts. Your soul is infinite, powerful and perfect. You would not be you without them both creating wholeness together.

One is not holier than the other. They’re a perfect union, magical and messy, mighty and whimpering, pure and shadowy, glittery and dull, brave and terrified. Even your secrets, your sins, your pain are holy parts of you.

The next time you find yourself sorting and organizing parts of yourself. Classifying and separating your spirituality from your humanity, I dare you to stop. I dare you to transcend, lift yourself above all of the words and labels and categories, draw a circle around them all.

That is your wholeness. The sacred, sexy whole of it all.

Holy, wholly you.

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