confidence, emotions, power, radiance, wholeness

What’s Stifling Your Sexy and Snuffing Your Fire?


It seems to sneak up on us, the funk.

We’re not looking for it.

We didn’t ask for it. But there it is.

The funk is what I consider to be a soup of mixed feelings of the not-so-fun fare, simmered and steeped to dull perfection. It feels something like some combination of these flavors: Uninspired, frumpy, unexpressive, bored, boring, blah, ho hum, meh, stuck in a rut, cranky, edgy, lethargic, lackadaisical, grumpy, gloomy, cloudy, dim, dull.

This is what we feel when we are disconnected from our true essence, which is joyous radiance.  And these feelings are always informative, unsavory as they might be. They are clues to our truth. They invite us to explore and identify their messages, so that we deal with their sources, return to our true essence, and access our own magnificence and greatness, to be, well, magnificent and great…

When we are in our joyful radiance, we feel alive, present, charmed, radiant, powerful, sexy. And it’s a powerful force. A woman who is joyfully radiant is sexy. Can you think of anything sexier?

I often hear women in the funk use phrases like “I lost a part of me…” or “I don’t know where she went.”  I’m here to tell you that you have lost nothing. Nothing is gone.

In fact, there is a depth of radiance and power within you that you quite possibly haven’t even tapped into yet. It’s in there, waiting for you. Waiting to light up your life. Your true essence, of joyous radiance is IN YOU, even when you’re in a funk. It is not about accessing anything external. It’s about drawing forth what is already in you.

Doesn’t that feel good? To know you have everything you want and need already in you? Would you like to have more of that radiance, to feel it? What’s in the way?

I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to what I think gets in the way of our true essence.  I’ve boiled it down to seven primary blocks. These blocks, these sexiness-stiflers, these radiance-snuffers, get in the way of our radiant life force, they disconnect us from our joyous radiance, and I’m going to be addressing these seven things over the next few weeks, as well as offering tools for diminishing their hold and rinsing them away. I’ll also be offering tools and tips for amping up your power, your radiance and brilliance so that you can access your personal recipe for living sexy.

Let’s talk about the first one…

#1 Old Programming

I’d love for you to look within and ask yourself if you are limiting your own access to your joyous radiance because of old programming. I think it’s one of the most insidious and toxic deterrents of our best, because its often so subconscious and deeply rooted, so much so that we don’t even know it’s there.

For example, I still find at times some residual programming from my fundamentalist church days, even though consciously i don’t believe most of it anymore, subconsciously, i still occasionally find myself black-or-whiting my relationship to the Divine, as if there is a “right” spirituality, and then feel that awful feeling of “falling out of grace” when I make mistakes or act in “unholy” ways. See, it’s still there. When I can spot it, and stop it in its tracks, I can ask “Is this what I really want to believe?”

If the answer is no, I ask myself “What would I rather believe?” As designer of my own faith, I get to choose:  I would rather believe that grace is limitless and nothing that I could do could separate me from my source, which is love. I want to believe that my humanity is not in opposition of my divinity, but an expression of it.

I’d love for you to be a keen observer or yourself in the coming days, and find places where your old programming shows up. Without judgment, without making yourself wrong, just notice. Ask yourself if that’s what you want to believe. Then, if the answer is no, ask yourself what you would rather believe.

You may want to write the new desired belief down, daily. Stick it on a post-it, or in your journal, so you can think about it often. Re-programming our brains takes time. New synapses need to be formed, new evidence collected. But believe me. It is possible.

Just making this one shift, to eliminate the old programming that gets in the way of your joyous radiance will open up the doors for continued shifts, in other areas. It starts simply by noticing, with compassion and kindness.

I hope you’ll join me in the coming weeks as we eliminate together the seven blocks to our own joyous radiance, power and SEXINESS!

Feel free to share your discoveries about your old programming in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Next week, we’ll talk about the second block to your joyous radiance, sexiness and magnificence. Self-talk. Ohhhh yeah!

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