“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need. Watch for the guru.”
Let’s call a spade a spade, here. Sometimes, life just sucks. Sometimes pain takes over and ruins everything. Sometimes shitty things happen. Sometimes watching for the guru feels impossible. Sometimes, screw the guru.
In the middle of our muck, our dark nights of the soul, when our lives are falling apart at the seams, when we’ve lost the very people or things we trusted most, whether we have infections, diseases, chronic pain, migraines, nosebleeds, bug bites, lay-offs, miscarriages, death, break-ups, any of these crappy things, finding the light, finding the good, claiming “everything happens for a reason” in the middle of some very sucky everythings… is just not humanly possible.
There it is: humanly possible.
And guess what we are? Souls walking around as human manifestations. What if we accepted that during certain times, it’s okay to wallow? It’s okay to surrender to the suck.
“Look for the bright side?” Eff you.
But what we can trust is the other side. There is always movement.
We are always moving toward the other side.
Sometimes it happens on its own, microscopic and minute, like the blooming of a bud, unseen with the human eye. Sometimes we work hard at it, like a construction crew with a deadline and a strip mall to build.
Sometime the only thing required to move out of the muck and the suck is to surrender and trust in the natural unfolding and healing salve of time.
In the meantime, if you need to whine, whine. Find your support team that will love you through.
If you need to scratch the rash, scratch it. Do what you need to do that will give you even fleeting seconds of relief.
If you need to cry, let the tears flow.
If you need to curl in a ball, retreat from the world, stop showering for a few days, go on, curl. You’ll save money on hot water.
If you need to destroy property, well, you might want to rethink that one… but you get my point.
Feel your broken heart. Grieve. Gripe. Groan. Give in to what needs to be felt and experienced.
So much of our pain comes when we are resisting our pain. When we are thinking that as spiritual people, we should always find the gifts in our pain, after all, we chose our pain, we created it, as some spiritual teachers will have us believe. And maybe sometimes we do. It’s quite the mind-numbing paradox.
But sometimes, suck just happens.
Over the last few years, one of my gurus has been a chronic nerve pain condition in my hip, back and leg that has sometimes debilitated me, sometimes turned me to a crying sack of gloom, has slowed me down, has pissed me off, has enraged me, has cost me lots of money, has shut down my life and kept me from the things I love to do… how the hell am I supposed to bless this guru? As a human being, how can I love this pain?
Yes, I am human, AND within me resides the infinite power of the universe. So sometimes I can access that, and use the Big Love when mine falls short. But, mostly, it’s when the pain subsides. It’s when a flare-up flares down.
It’s only when I’m on the other side, I have said, wow… I learned so much. I slowed down, I practiced exquisite self-care. I re-prioritized. I rested. I learned to count on friends. I practiced asking for help, receiving. I grew. Thanks, Guru, Chronic Pain.
But until then, when I am in the suck… it sucks, okay? Let’s stop trying to fool ourselves about that.
Be with your pain. Be with your suffering, be with your suck. Allow yourself to feel every ugly or pitiful feeling you need to feel. Wallow if you need to, cry, scream, whine, fully occupy your humanness and all of the messy, crappy, sticky, stinky, painful things that come with that.
Trust the other side. You’re always moving toward it.